In Her Eyes

At the beginning of this week, during one of our before bedtime chats, my Princess said something that went like this:

"Momma, I think we need another baby around here.  You can't just sit around all day paying bills and talking to the animals.  It makes you seem like kind of a desperate lady."

In the moment, I wanted to laugh out loud...but I didn't.  What she thinks I do all day is so funny to me.  Little does she know that these past few weeks, as I adjust to my new normal, I have been going out with friends, getting some nice long runs in, relaxing, shopping, catching up on household things, and just enjoying myself.  The first two weeks were rough, but all of the kids have adjusted quiet well now.  My Littlest Man has had a few bumps in the road, but this week has been fabulous for him.

So, I am thankful for my "desperate lady" kind of life right now...well, all except for the paying bills all day part.

The Gym Ruined Me

Two weeks ago, I went in a cancelled my gym membership.  I have belonged to the gym for about two and a half years.  All good things must come to an end...but then I got to thinking...

I am pretty sure that the gym ruined me.

It's always in the 70s
It's never raining, snowing
It's never too hot, or too cold.
There's only tough hills if you want them there
and you can always decide when they start
and when the finish.
You can start out with a distance in mind
but if you are not feeling it
you can always cut it short
and move on to something a bit easier.
You can watch TV and get lost in a show
to take your mind off of what your body is doing
and how you feel.
There's always a bathroom a few feet away...
wait...okay, that's a good thing...
a very good thing.

I guess when I have looked over my past two and a half years, I am just not a gym person.


I need the heat (even though I hate it) and the cold temps.
I need to run in the rain.
To push myself in the snow.
I need those hills that sneak up on me
and the ones that are right there staring me in the eyes...
the ones that I see coming,
that I have to get my game face on for
and that I keep saying in my mind:
You WILL NOT beat me today.
I need those routes that give me no short cuts,
no choice but to go the distance.
I need the time to think,
to sing out loud on a back road,
to run with all I have.

Time to get back what I have lost.
Time to toughen up
and move this show outside.

Animals

I could use up all my fingers and all my toes to count up all of the animals I had growing up and still need extras to count with.  I have loved animals since I was a little girl.  I have a picture of me, I can't be older than two or three, walking a "pet" frog on a string.  We had dogs, cats, hamsters, birds, fish, rabbits...I can remember my Dad catching chipmunks for us and he once brought home a goose (it didn't stay long)...and no, we never lived on a farm.

It's no wonder that my kids, my little girl especially, love animals.

My husband and I tried giving a dog a go before we had kids...didn't last long...and the story always gets a laugh when told.  We tried having a cat and that didn't last long either.   It wasn't until Kait's green eyed, creepy, fanged black friend found his way in to our garage (and eventually our hearts) that things just clicked.  About a year after that, we went to a local shelter and picked out our (now elderly) brown eyed Macy girl.  She was five or six when we brought her home and she has been such a wonderful pet.  A year and a half ago, we decided Macy needed a little sister to liven her up and that's when we brought home her spunky, blue eyed companion...also from a shelter...that drives us nuts with her puppy energy.

Our house is full.  But, I really wouldn't change it for a minute.

I vacuum, sweep, and wash floors way more than I normally would.  But, they add so much more than just extra house work to our family.


Just last week, my Princess finally got her wish and was surprised with this pretty girl:

Meet Latte...my princess is in love...and I am happy to nurture her animal loving spirit.

Just that way...

I am always missing someone.
It's just the way life has been for the past ten years.
There are just times where I miss
my family more than others
and these past few days
have been some of those times.

I don't really feel the hundreds of miles
until days like these.
Phone calls, email, and facebook
make the distance more bearable.
But sometimes, the hundreds of miles
feel more like thousands
and the heartache literally makes
eating and even breathing
more difficult.

Just when I think that I have come to accept
that this is just the way things have to be
Something creeps up inside of me.
my mind starts racing.
things could be different.
but then I am back to square one
and reminded that
I would still be missing someone.

It's just that way...