First Day

Last Wednesday, we said goodbye to summer vacation and hello to another school year.

We had a great summer and enjoyed lazy summer days by the pool, numerous trips to Six Flags, and some great time spent in Michigan.

Back to school already...I can't even believe it!

 My Princess had a great first day of fourth grade.  She was very nervous the morning of.  Luckily, Dan was able to be home in the morning with all of us (because of his fantastic new job!) so he took her to school.  He is much better at defusing her than I am.  He offered to walk her in, but she declined...like all first borns, she wanted to do it herself.  The day went well for her and she came home excited to start another day!  My nine year old is in the gifted program this year, super artistic, and a free spirited animal lover.

I was worried about my Middle Man because of the rough ending he had to the school year last year.  He was up and ready to start his first day of third grade though.  There were no tears and came home and announced that he loves school.  It was so good to hear that!  My Middle Man is kind, caring, smart little guy who is great at drawing and excellent at math.

 

My Littlest Man was ready to get back to school where "all of his best friends are".  He picked out his own back to school outfit (not pictured is his fedora he chose to go along with his spiffy outfit).  His first day of first grade went great.  He is a social little guy who can make friends any where he goes.  He loves to talk and loves to be the center of attention.

 

Here's to a great school year!

Bucket List

I think we all have our own "bucket list" of sorts...things that we would like to do before we leave this earth.  I have a list that I have never written down, but instead, it's like a Rolodex in my head.  One of those items was to run a race with my Dad.  Some girls dream of dancing with their Dad...I wanted to run with mine.

 

My Dad so kindly agreed a few months ago and signed up.  He put in the hard work and was ready...and on Saturday, August 24th, 2013, I did just that...I ran a race with my Dad.

 

I have run The CRIM since 2008, but this was the most special year by far.  I not only ran my best time for this course : 1:42:58, but I also got to stand at the start line with my sister and my Dad this year.

 

We all ran our own races, but just knowing that they were both out there on the same course was a great feeling.

 

He smoked this course and proved yet again that he will do anything for his little girls.

 

“There are no happy endings.
Endings are the saddest part,
So just give me a happy middle
And a very happy start.” ~shel silverstein

Like I have said before, I am not good with change...or goodbyes for that matter...maybe it's just goodbyes.

Today is the last day of school.  It's bitter sweet.

My Littlest Man is not longer and little kindergartner, but I big first grader.

My Middle Man will be the oldest at his school this coming school year and is saying goodbye to second grade.

 

 

My Princess is saying goodbye to a school that she loves and all the familiar faces that have been a part of her life for so long.  She will be entering forth grade.

 

 

All of this is a reminder of just how quickly time is passing....the seasons of life change too quickly...and goodbyes, whether we like them or not, have to be said.

I cried a few tears when I dropped them all of for the last time today.  It's the last time all three will be at the same school until High School...and lets not even think about that day coming.  It's been such a great school year filled with great teachers and great memories. 

I have a little gift waiting on the counter for each of them when they get home...and a summer of fun ahead.

Five and a half weeks ago, my Littlest Man took a jump off of our deck that didn't end well.  I knew as soon as I heard the screams that something was broken.  My husband and I ran out there to find him sitting on the ground, in severe pain, saying he couldn't stand up.  After a visit to the ER, it was confirmed that he had fractured his tibia.

Five and a half weeks have passed.  Today, I sat in the doctors office and watched him get his big green cast cut off.  I thought of the nights in the beginning that I would lay there and pray that his pain would be gone.  With every cry out in pain my heart would just break.  I thought of how I wished I could take the pain for him...I wished it was me.  I thought of how many times I would watch him get upset of frustrated that he couldn't be out there keeping up with his friends...how much this big green cast got in the way of what he used to be able to do.  I thought of the stares he got...how helpless he was.  Then I thought of how much I have taken for granted.  I have taken for granted how healthy my kids have been.  I have taken for granted how active they are...how much they are able to do.  They have no handicaps that keep them from keeping up with the other kids.  They can run, jump, and play.  They have not spent a day in the hospital.  They have not had to undergo test after test or been given a diagnosis that has knocked the wind right from our sails.

I. Am. Thankful.

This was temporary.  The pain was temporary.  My boy is healthy.  Soon he can walk again.  He will be able to keep up with everyone else.

I am thankful for the reminder.  We are blessed.

 He had to wait 17 hours to get his leg casted...he was in such severe pain.

Feeling much better with it casted and stabilized.

 

 Wheelchair at school.

"Big green"

 

It's off!!!

Merry Christmas!!

And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.

Luke 2:10-11

 

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Donated

Yesterday, a truck came and took it all away.
Eight years in the making, in piles in my front yard.
It took a whole day to clean out our playroom...
A day that I was determined to part with "things".
"Things" that held so many memories for me.
I did my best to convince myself that I wasn't
tossing out the memories, just making room for more.
I am really not good with change
and even sometimes sit and think of moments that I would hit
the freeze button.
I like routine.
I don't mind same ole, same ole.
Sometimes, it's just time though...
Even for me.
So, I turned up the country music and got to work.
My goal was just to clean it out...
sort and sift through it all.
What I ended up doing though
was emptying the whole entire room
until there was nothing left.
And some how, I was okay with that.
I was okay with parting with the Little People,
the Little Tykes tool bench,
the toy kitchen, the Backyardigans stuff, the little scooters,
and everything else that filled up a notebook page.
I am ready for a change.
I am ready for a basement remodel...
to get it ready for the next stage of our lives.
There were, however, three things that I intended
to donate that never ended up making it to the pile:
The crib, the stroller, and the pony, Sal.
Maybe when all my children hit double digits
I will be able to say goodbye to them too
but for now, I am okay that I could not give up those three
I did pretty good, for me.

Goodbye Macy Girl...

Everyone is asleep...finally.  Everyone but me.  The rain hitting my bedroom window doesn't help...It doesn't help the incredible sadness I am feeling right now.

Today we said goodbye to our Macy Girl.  Five weeks ago, she was diagnosed with Autoimmune Hemolytic Anemia.  The odds weren't good...I was doubtful that she would even make it two weeks.  She was giving an oral steroid and sent home.  During the first week, I set my alarm and would get up with her for nightly feedings.  She was spoiled rotten.  After almost 7 days, she made a wonderful recovery.  She was full of energy, eating well, and walking on her own.  I was so very thankful for the miracle and extra time we were given.

Thursday I noticed her energy level dropping and by Friday I was incredibly worried about her.  I had to leave for a race in Chicago and left her in the hands of my wonderful hubby and three kids.  I returned home to find that she had gotten worse.  I could hardly stand to watch my beautiful pitt mix stumble and fall when trying to get up to greet me when I walked in the door.  I could hardly bring myself to carry her outside because she was no longer capable of holding her own weight.  I knew I could not put her through this again.  I prayed that the decision would be clear and I would have peace in whatever it was.

I set my alarm for early in the morning on Sunday.  I made her some hamburger and was hoping to get another dose of steroid down her.  When she wouldn't eat the hamburger my heart dropped...and then when she was clenching her jaws shut so I couldn't even give her the steroid I knew what she was telling me.  She was done...and I had to let her go.

Loss is so hard...watching your own babies deal with such a huge thing is even harder.

My husband and I sat down with each of the kids and gave them a choice if they wanted to go with us or not when we took Macy in to be put down.  My Princess said yes with no hesitation.  My Middle Man had a harder time making up his mind and decided yes at the very last minute.  My Little Man was a no right from the get go.  So, we dropped Little Man off to play with Grandpa and the four of us plus Macy Girl made the emotional trip in.

We arrived and my husband went in to let them know we were there.  They brought a little stretcher out to the car to get her...and we all sobbed as she was wheeled away.  We were set on being there with her when she passed and so we waited for them to get her ready.

All four of us were taken back to a room and Macy was brought in to us.  They told us that we could take as long as we wanted.  So we held her, pet her, took pictures, and just took everything in.  Then, when we were ready, we cracked the door to let them know that it was time.

 

The vet came in and was wonderful.  One thing that she said while she was leaving is that we fought the good fight...and that right there was probably the most encouraging thing she could have said at that moment.  I didn't want to give up on Macy...I didn't want to feel like I failed her...that I didn't do everything I could do for her...and with those words, I felt like this was the right thing to do and she was the messenger sent to tell me.  She left with tears in her eyes and the four of us held eachother and just cried.  We took as long as we needed to and then I took off her collar and we walked out.

On May 15th, 2008 we welcomed our sweet Macy girl in to our home.  She was five and we knew she had been through a lot just from the little that the shelter told us about.  This was her second chance and our goal was to spoil her as much as we could to make up for her first five years.  She napped all day on the couch, ate scraps from the table, spent time laying in the sun on the deck, played with her (one and only) neighbor friend, and even (ssshhhh) spent some lazy days laying in bed with me.  We really lucked out with her...she was such a sweetie from the get go.  She was so patient and wonderful to the kids and got along great with the cat.  These past two years she has had a blast with her little sister Zoey...who is so lost without her right now.  There will never be another like her.

Its all so new and fresh and is going to take some getting used to.  Watching the kids hurt is the hardest part of all.  We miss her terribly...

Your Eyes

I rarely use the ESV app on my phone...my good old trusty Bible with real paper pages is what I love.  Today, though, I wanted to read a few things and decided it would be more convenient to just use my phone.

I just love, love how God works.

I pulled up the app.  I don't think it was just a coincidence or mistake at what text popped up:

  "For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’
 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

Matthew 25:35-46

Back in July, we (insert happy dance) celebrated two years of employment.  Those twenty two months that Dan was out of work were the most grueling, painful, special, amazing almost two years of my life.  It's easy to forget those times when things are good now that they are in our rear view mirror.

Last week, Dan's hours were cut, which we are still extremely thankful for the hours he does have.  It's easy to have a freak out moment.  It's easy to allow all of the painful memories and feelings of anxiety creep back in and not trust God for my daily bread...even when he carried us so graciously and tenderly through that time in my life.  It's easy to turn inward and start worrying about me, me, me and only think about my little family and our needs.

I was given these verses and an ever so small opportunity to look outward today and give...and I just wanted to share these verses that your eyes may be focused outward and your thoughts focused on Him and what He would have you to do for the least of these.

In Her Eyes

At the beginning of this week, during one of our before bedtime chats, my Princess said something that went like this:

"Momma, I think we need another baby around here.  You can't just sit around all day paying bills and talking to the animals.  It makes you seem like kind of a desperate lady."

In the moment, I wanted to laugh out loud...but I didn't.  What she thinks I do all day is so funny to me.  Little does she know that these past few weeks, as I adjust to my new normal, I have been going out with friends, getting some nice long runs in, relaxing, shopping, catching up on household things, and just enjoying myself.  The first two weeks were rough, but all of the kids have adjusted quiet well now.  My Littlest Man has had a few bumps in the road, but this week has been fabulous for him.

So, I am thankful for my "desperate lady" kind of life right now...well, all except for the paying bills all day part.

The Gym Ruined Me

Two weeks ago, I went in a cancelled my gym membership.  I have belonged to the gym for about two and a half years.  All good things must come to an end...but then I got to thinking...

I am pretty sure that the gym ruined me.

It's always in the 70s
It's never raining, snowing
It's never too hot, or too cold.
There's only tough hills if you want them there
and you can always decide when they start
and when the finish.
You can start out with a distance in mind
but if you are not feeling it
you can always cut it short
and move on to something a bit easier.
You can watch TV and get lost in a show
to take your mind off of what your body is doing
and how you feel.
There's always a bathroom a few feet away...
wait...okay, that's a good thing...
a very good thing.

I guess when I have looked over my past two and a half years, I am just not a gym person.


I need the heat (even though I hate it) and the cold temps.
I need to run in the rain.
To push myself in the snow.
I need those hills that sneak up on me
and the ones that are right there staring me in the eyes...
the ones that I see coming,
that I have to get my game face on for
and that I keep saying in my mind:
You WILL NOT beat me today.
I need those routes that give me no short cuts,
no choice but to go the distance.
I need the time to think,
to sing out loud on a back road,
to run with all I have.

Time to get back what I have lost.
Time to toughen up
and move this show outside.

Animals

I could use up all my fingers and all my toes to count up all of the animals I had growing up and still need extras to count with.  I have loved animals since I was a little girl.  I have a picture of me, I can't be older than two or three, walking a "pet" frog on a string.  We had dogs, cats, hamsters, birds, fish, rabbits...I can remember my Dad catching chipmunks for us and he once brought home a goose (it didn't stay long)...and no, we never lived on a farm.

It's no wonder that my kids, my little girl especially, love animals.

My husband and I tried giving a dog a go before we had kids...didn't last long...and the story always gets a laugh when told.  We tried having a cat and that didn't last long either.   It wasn't until Kait's green eyed, creepy, fanged black friend found his way in to our garage (and eventually our hearts) that things just clicked.  About a year after that, we went to a local shelter and picked out our (now elderly) brown eyed Macy girl.  She was five or six when we brought her home and she has been such a wonderful pet.  A year and a half ago, we decided Macy needed a little sister to liven her up and that's when we brought home her spunky, blue eyed companion...also from a shelter...that drives us nuts with her puppy energy.

Our house is full.  But, I really wouldn't change it for a minute.

I vacuum, sweep, and wash floors way more than I normally would.  But, they add so much more than just extra house work to our family.


Just last week, my Princess finally got her wish and was surprised with this pretty girl:

Meet Latte...my princess is in love...and I am happy to nurture her animal loving spirit.

Just that way...

I am always missing someone.
It's just the way life has been for the past ten years.
There are just times where I miss
my family more than others
and these past few days
have been some of those times.

I don't really feel the hundreds of miles
until days like these.
Phone calls, email, and facebook
make the distance more bearable.
But sometimes, the hundreds of miles
feel more like thousands
and the heartache literally makes
eating and even breathing
more difficult.

Just when I think that I have come to accept
that this is just the way things have to be
Something creeps up inside of me.
my mind starts racing.
things could be different.
but then I am back to square one
and reminded that
I would still be missing someone.

It's just that way...