Ten Months and Still Waiting

I can't help but think back to ten months ago and part of me sometimes wish for those times back...the part of me that hates the painful process of growth and change.

Ten whole months ago, my husband lost his job. Here we are, still sitting, waiting...we've been waiting for ten whole months.

This is the most difficult road I have ever walked in my life.

I have days when I am so thankful for God's provision and feel like I could face anything. I also have days when I feel like I want to dig myself a ten foot hole and jump in to it and hope that the dirt crumbles in over me.

I have days when I swear that I feel like the job God has for my husband is just around the corner and that I can keep walking just a few more steps. Then there are days when I feel like I cannot even take one more step and there is no light at the end of this tunnel.

Through this all though, I do know one thing. If I stop, reflect, and take a look back down the path that I have already walked, crawled, or been carried, I see that God is preparing me, molding me, building me. He is strengthening me for something greater and has gradually been showing Dan and I what He wants from us.

If any of you have read the book Hermie, you will know what I am talking about...if you haven't read it, you should. It's about an "ordinary" caterpillar. Hermie takes a look around and every one else, all the other bugs and sees the different traits they have that are certainly better than plain old Hermie. He doesn't have stripes, spots, he isn't strong, and he doesn't have a residence that he can carry around on his back. Throughout the book, God is whispering to Hermie and telling him not to worry, that He is not finished with him yet. God has a plan for him. At the end of the book, Hermie is transformed in to a beautiful butterfly. Well, I have kinda felt like Hermie for quite a long time. It's only been recently that I feel like God is revealing my purpose. I am okay with being ordinary but I would at least like to have a little bit of extraordinary that I can use for Him.

So, time is running out and we will soon be without our cushion (i.e. unemployment) which is a scary thing. I don't know what God has for us in the next two months. Please pray that Dan would finally have a job that would provide for our family. Also, that whatever is in store for us, job or no job, that we would continue to trust in God's goodness and faithfulness. He has us in the palm of his hand.