Time Off

Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my sighing.
Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.
In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.
Psalm 5:1-3

I have been throwing the thought around for a couple of weeks. It's time. I am going to take a bit of a break, not only from blogging here (I will still be allowing time to blog on my running blog) but also from checking other people's blogs and from facebook. It's feeling like life is a bit too noisy lately and it's drowning out the One Voice that I am longing to hear.

A year and a half, a whole 18 months, of unemployment is soon approaching. I spent time crying today...a good, good cry...I cried until I was numb again. It's how I have been walking around : numb. I feel as if I am at a place where I can no longer be completely honest on here. For the next month, I am going to take to writing in my private journal instead...where it's safe. I am going to end this time of soul searching...really God searching...with an anniversary getaway with my husband...a time of prayer and reading God's word together for two days (I can't wait!!).

I am thirsty. I know there's a greater purpose on my life. I have been trying to avoid it, make excuses, and quench it with other things. Time to get real with myself and God...and it's not a coincidence that after I had my ugly cry today that he gave me this:

Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
Isaiah 55:2

"See" you all in a month.

Eight Years Ago...

I love February 15th.
It's a day that I will never forget as long as I breathe.
A day that I am thankful for.
A day that helped shape who I am today.
A day that I did something crazy.
A day that I faced my fears.
A day that was written for me since the beginning of time.
A day that I knew as I walked out of that Northwest terminal at ORD, that I was walking up to the love of my life.
He didn't even have to say a word.
I felt it as our eyes met.
But really, he had me from that moment on.
On this day, eight years ago, I was rescued.

Happy?

Because today I will choose not to let my situation dictate my mood, here's the top ten things that make me happy (in no particular order):


-A clean house. The process of getting to the point that it qualifies as clean is a major stress reliever for me. Now, if it could only stay that way for a little longer then I would be really happy.

-Kaitlyn and all her girly-ness. This girl just plain makes me happy. I am so thankful for my daughter.

-Landon and the sweet sensitive boy that he is. I love holding his had and hearing some of the workings of his brain.

-Collin and his pure craziness. His little voice and all that comes out of his mouth (most of the time) just cracks me up.

-Laying in my husband's arms...no better place on earth...or warmer place for that matter.

-Music...couldn't live without it.

-A long run on a cool, but sunny, day.

-Incredibly large veins. The kind that you can see from across the room before the tourniquet is tightened around the arm. The bouncy squishy feeling of them. And since I am a really good phlebotomist, any veins really...except the tiny squiggly ones popping out of a leg (I hope I never get those).

-Laying in green grass under a blue sky.

-When God gives me a verse from His Word at just the right time.

...and the list could go on and on...

Understand

Seventeen Months

I had a post written for today.
After praying
and thinking about it
I went back and pressed the delete button.
It was my heart poured out in words
but sometimes things are better left unsaid
and hurts are better left unrevealed
except only to God.

Still these two sentences pretty much tell all.
Two sentences from my heart:
Staying faithful is getting harder.
Staying hopeful often feels as if I am lying to myself.

As I was running the other night
I wanted to quit so bad.
I had to stop and run to the bathroom
My stomach ached
My legs hurt
I was exhausted.
I thought of the Marathon that I am training for.
If I give up now,
If I throw in the towel
and chose not to put in the work to train
what an experience I will miss out on
an exciting time I won't be prepared for.

Kinda like life.

If I quit now,
if I throw in the towel
and choose not to learn
choose not to grow
and be changed from this experience
I will miss out on something bigger
that God is preparing me for.

So, even though my soul is weary
I am emotionally exhausted
and I am wondering how much
farther I have to go
I will press on toward the promises God has for me
He has made clear to me in the last two weeks that
He is preparing me for something bigger.
I just can't see the whole picture.

Things are hard.
I am not going to hide that I am hurting.
But I don't want to whine and complain.
God has given me all I need for today
He is in control of tomorrow.
Even still
God is good.

Three In the Bed

I enjoyed co-sleeping after the kids were born. There came a time, though, when it just wasn't working any more and the kids were kicked out to go sleep in their crib. Kaitlyn was by far the longest co-sleeper we had. Landon didn't really want anything to do with it. Collin could have gone either way.

As the kids got older, to where they could climb out of their own beds or even verbalize that they wanted to come sleep in Mommy and Daddy's room, we had and still have one rule : You can come sleep in our room, but you may not sleep in our bed with us. So, on those nights that they have a bad dream or just plain can't sleep, we make a little bed on our floor beside our bed and they snuggle down and fall asleep.

Last night, I broke the rule.

It's very rare that the kids wander out of their rooms anymore. They have found that their beds are much more comfortable.

Last night...or early this morning really, Collin woke up to go potty. He was so warm and adorable...I couldn't resist. I invited him to sleep with Mommy and Daddy...in our bed.

We have a queen size bed. It's the perfect size for us...in my opinion. Ask my husband and he will tell you differently. A queen fits the two of us just perfectly with a little extra room to get away if we need. That little extra room...well, I forgot just how little it is when you bring a little boy in to it. It makes for a sleepless Mommy.

So, early this morning, as I lay in between my snoring husband and my littlest man that was flopping like a fish I couldn't help but smile in my sleeplessness. One day, he will be too old to climb in to bed with Mommy and Daddy. He will be too old to want to lay there and rub my cheek. He will be too old to want to lay and hold my hand. So, I took it all in and listened to both of them sleep while I could not.

It was the perfect way to spend a sleepless night.