Seventeen Months

I had a post written for today.
After praying
and thinking about it
I went back and pressed the delete button.
It was my heart poured out in words
but sometimes things are better left unsaid
and hurts are better left unrevealed
except only to God.

Still these two sentences pretty much tell all.
Two sentences from my heart:
Staying faithful is getting harder.
Staying hopeful often feels as if I am lying to myself.

As I was running the other night
I wanted to quit so bad.
I had to stop and run to the bathroom
My stomach ached
My legs hurt
I was exhausted.
I thought of the Marathon that I am training for.
If I give up now,
If I throw in the towel
and chose not to put in the work to train
what an experience I will miss out on
an exciting time I won't be prepared for.

Kinda like life.

If I quit now,
if I throw in the towel
and choose not to learn
choose not to grow
and be changed from this experience
I will miss out on something bigger
that God is preparing me for.

So, even though my soul is weary
I am emotionally exhausted
and I am wondering how much
farther I have to go
I will press on toward the promises God has for me
He has made clear to me in the last two weeks that
He is preparing me for something bigger.
I just can't see the whole picture.

Things are hard.
I am not going to hide that I am hurting.
But I don't want to whine and complain.
God has given me all I need for today
He is in control of tomorrow.
Even still
God is good.