A Happy Anniversary...

For two years, I dreaded this day as it approached.  It was a day that was flashing bright red on the calendar...a day that I thought I would self destruct if I got out of bed that day...a day that was met with so much anxiety and fear.  I dreaded this day when the one year mark hit.  I dreaded it even more when we approached two years.

September 2, 2008, was a morning like any other...that is until the phone rang and my husband gave me the news.  It was news that I thought if I ever heard, I would crumble to the ground.  It almost went that way, but something deep within whispered to me to stand tall.

It was a rough twenty-two months.  There were times I felt beat up, hopeless, forgotten...times when I didn't know how I was going to make it through the day.  These days had been ordained for me before I was a twinkle in my parents eye.  God knew the exact moment, God new my pain, He knew every tear I would cry, He knew every prayer I would whisper through sobs, He knew. 

He never forgot about us and knew just who he would send to bless us and when.  I still remember the pain of those long 22 months and it still brings tears to my eyes and an ache to my heart...but, I remember even more the food that was brought to my door, the bags and bags of clothes that clothed my children (and still clothe my children) that whole time, the gift cards so we could escape and let go a little, the bills that were paid, the cards that were sent, the miracles of how He provided our every need.  I knew my God was worthy of my praise before, I knew He cared so deeply and tenderly for me...but now my hearts swells because I know these truths in an even deeper way now.

Things will never be the way they were before that day in two thousand eight.  My husband will never feel secure in a job, he may never make the money he made before, we may never have the benefits we had before, I may never be able to be a stay-at-home mom again.  I can sit an focus on that and get discouraged or I can turn that in to praise...that, no, things will never be the same but for different reasons.  I will never take my husbands job (or mine for that matter) for granted, I will never go back to the same mindset I had about money or material things, my relationship with God has changed, my marriage has changed, our family has changed, I have changed.

There has been much thought and reflection today...some reading back over past posts...remembering all that God has done for us these past three years.  And I must say, today is a very happy anniversary.