Security

I joked occasionally about our unemployment benefits being our "security blanket". In many ways it was. I knew exactly when it would be deposited in our account each month and knew the ball park range that it would be. As long as we had that, we would be okay.

At the end of August, we received what would be our last snuggle from that "security blanket". When Dan would call and certify two weeks later, we would find out, unexpectedly, that it was gone.

When you hit rock bottom, do you know? Or do you not realize until you are on your way back up? Every time that I feel like we couldn't possibly fall any further...this has got to be our rock bottom...we fall a little further. Everytime, it hurts a little worse...could it possibly hurt more?

While cleaning out a drawer of paper clutter last week, I found an old budget. It was from before Dan lost his job back in September of 2008. I sat down and looked over it and got a little chuckle out of it. Our budget before Dan lost his job was about $3600 a month! Back then, I thought I could not possibly live on anything less...we could not possibly cut out anything more. It's funny what you find out when you have no other choice.

Currently, I am working between 16-24 hours a week and Dan is working about 16 on the weekends. It doesn't pay much in our stack of bills, but we are so thankful for what it does pay! God has been faithful in these past 8 weeks to provide the rest to take care of our needs.

It blows me away the things He has done in these past weeks. On days that we are feeling discouraged or like we can't take another step, He sends something or someone our way to encourage us on this road. Last week alone, we were blown away by what was given to us.

On Sunday morning, our cupboards were bare...literally...we had a few boxes of noodles, a tub of oatmeal, and a loaf of bread. Our fridge didn't look much different. I had decided that I was going to go to Aldi and pick up a few things to make it through another week. We went after church and I ran into someone that I hadn't seen in about 8 months, but knew what was going on. We talked and then finished up our shopping. I went to check out and pay for my groceries and the cashier told me that it had been covered by and pointed to the someone. It was amazing. I didn't want to make a scene so I fought back tears as I hugged the someone. It's moments like those...and we have had a TON of them...that boost our faith and make us believe that we CAN go another step further and He hasn't forsaken us nor has he forgotten about us.

Saying that this road is hard would be an understatement. I wish that when we lost our unemployment the road would have ended and we would have gotten our ticket saying that we passed. But, instead, we were taken to a different road...a more difficult road. For some reason, a reason higher than our understanding, God has chosen this road for us. For some reason He is testing us, teaching us, and pruning Dan and me. Let me tell you, I have continued to retreat to my closet to cry, to lay on the floor of my bedroom beside my bed and weep, and to stand in the shower and let the tears run down my cheeks. But, I will not, I will not, let this time pass in my life and not learn something from it, not grow because of it, and not allow myself to be pruned.

If you haven't read the book The Praying Life, you need to get your hands on it. It has really encouraged me in my prayer life.

My security blanket is my Heavenly Father. Without His covering, I would be nothing. I rise every morning and ask Him to give me my Daily Bread...nothing more, nothing less...to help me get through the day. Every night, I am thankful for what He has provided and the grace and love He has shown to me.

Lord, give me this day my daily bread, for You alone are my Security...