Thirteen Months

Ugh, I hate that number.

Here's my monthly update. I was hoping not to have to go past the one year mark with this, but we have been chosen to walk this road a little longer.

Thirteen months ago, my husband lost his job. Each month, I don't think I can take another month, week, or day of this. Each month, by the strength God has given us, we march on.

We got our last unemployment check six weeks ago. We had no idea it would be our last. Currently, we have been living on my part-time paycheck (I thank God for my job) and Dan's two day a week job. If not for the money we were given over a week ago, the stress would be even greater.

I have been trying not to look farther in to our situation than past today. The fear, anger, and frustration can become overwhelming if I think about a week from now, two weeks from now, or a month from now when the mortgage is due. I continue to look for little reminders in God's word that tell me God has been faithful and He will be faithful again.

I keep turning to Matthew 6:25-34 (which I almost have memorized)

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.

Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.

If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'

For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I changed out the kids' closets yesterday, taking out all of their summer clothes and replacing them with fall/winter clothes. I dreaded doing this because I knew it would be one more reminder that we are struggling and I hate when the kids are affected. Well, we were packing Kaitlyn's clothes up. I was going through them and setting aside the clothes that were too small. Kaitlyn said, "Are those to give to poor people?" It was confirmation to me that they have no clue. We are doing our best to explain to them that we do not have a lot and we need to not be so focused on material things. We also emphasize giving to those less fortunate. But, we also try not to worry them with out situation and do our best to shelter them from knowing just how desperate it's becoming.

So, we got all of her clothes packed away and it was time to bring out her winter clothes. I had been given a few bags of clothes for the kids over a year ago. The clothes were too big at the time so I sorted them out and tucked them away. Along with stuff that Dan's Mom has sewn for Kaitlyn and things that my Mom has bought, this was the end result looks like:

All I could do is praise Him while hanging everything up. I stood back and almost started to cry. So do not worry and say, "What should I wear?" Along with all of these clothes for her, there were also two pairs of shoes (a brown pair of boots and a black pair of dress shoes) just her size in the tub.

I am desperately praying for a job for Dan that brings our total for what we need to make budget. I asked Him to provide a job for him by October 1st, but my Father knows what's best for us and while I was very disappointed, He gently whispered to me yesterday on my run, "Just hold on a little longer, my child...just a little longer."

I am praying that it's just a little longer.