Spelling Bee

Both of my kids were in the top three in their class when the grades of their past spelling tests were reviewed and averaged out.  Because of this, they were both told they would be one of three representing their class in their grade spelling bee.  They were given a list of words to practice and told that the spelling bee would be on January 20th.


We practiced and practiced some more. 


My Princess was thrilled and told me that she was going to win.  She exuded confidence and determination...fitting first born personality. 


My Middle Man, on the other hand, dreaded the day, hated to practice, and told me that he knew he wasn't going to win.  He was so unsure of himself and lacked the confidence that he could do this...but his Mama knew he could.


One the morning of the 20th, both of my spellers woke and were not in good spirits. 


My Princess said that her throat, head, and stomach hurt...all signs that she has strep.  I was so concerned for her...not only because she wasn't feeling well, but also because I knew the goal she had set before her.  I asked her if she still wanted to go to school.  She told me yes.  I explained to her (since I knew her bee would be right when she got to school) that when she was finished winning, she could go straight to the nurses office and call me and I would go to the school and get her.  She liked the idea so I gave her a dose of Motrin and sent her on her way with a prayer and a hug.


My Middle Man was so scared.  His stomach hurt, but for a different reason than my Princess.  Before it was time to get coats and shoes on he started to cry and told me he didn't want to be in the spelling bee.  I held him and tried to comfort him.  Ever since seeing The Help, I have been taking my kids' faces in my hands (or whispering in their ears) and saying, "You is kind, you is smart, you is important."  It always brings a smile to their faces.  So, I took his face in my hands, looked him in the eyes, and told him those words.  He giggled a little bit.  I told him that I knew he could do this and it didn't matter to me if he won or not, I was so proud of him for making it in the top three of his class.  So, I sent him off with a prayer and a hug...and Mama had a bit of a stomach ache herself.


I was watching the clock and at 8:45, I began to pray for them.  I was expecting to hear from my Princess anytime after 9:30 or so.  The phone didn't ring.  At around 11:30, I checked my email and there was an email from Landon's teacher telling me that Landon did so well, she was so proud of him, and he won for his grade level!  She said that he actually looked like he enjoyed himself and was excited.  Then, a few minutes later, I got a message from another 2nd grade teacher that I know saying that both of my kids were grade level winners.  Tears filled my eyes and I whispered prayers of thanks...and Mama was so proud.


Around noon, I got a call from the school office saying that Kaitlyn was running a temp of 100.4 and I needed to come get her.  I hurried to pick her up.  I got her in the car and she said she needed to go straight to the doctor because she felt so terrible.  I was so proud of her strong will and determination to hang in there long enough to win.  I asked her if she felt so sick while she was spelling and she said, "I didn't feel any pain while I was spelling.  It felt like there were angels all around me," and I knew that it was because of the many people that were praying for her that morning.  She also mentioned how big her brain must be...so big that it was getting squished inside her skull...maybe we shouldn't tell her how smart she is anymore.  I got her right in to her pediatrician and sure enough, she tested positive for strep.  My poor baby.


Landon came home from school later that afternoon and was all smiles.  I was so happy for him and hoped that this would help build his confidence.  Unlike my Princess, he has no idea just how smart he is...even though we tell him all of the time.  He told his story to all of us and said, "I was so scared to start, but then when I was spelling I thought, 'this is pretty easy!'"  He makes me laugh.


Tomorrow is the school wide spelling bee and no matter what place they come in I couldn't be any more proud. 

I think this calls for more cake pops.

Surrender

I can still picture it...rusty orange pews, head bowed, eyes closed...an alter call and the song "I Surrender All" sung in it's entirety, sometimes two times over.  My lips are moving.  I know this song by heart by now.  The words meaning almost nothing to me.  I've sung them too many times...it's become routine.  It's just another thing between me and lunch.  Three words and I have not a clue just what I am giving breath to.

Surrender - To yield to any influence, emotion, passion, or power. To give up one's self into the power of another.

Fast forward twenty years.  I am running a distance I never thought I would run.  I am at mile ten and the song comes on : "And I Surrender all to You, all to You." is playing in my ears.  Tears fill my eyes and for once in my life, I get a glimpse of what that means.  Pain is rushing through my body, filling up my lungs...my current circumstances flash before me.  My husband is unemployed and has been for over a year, benefits have run out, I am consumed with worry, overtaken with the need to control and fix everything...the weight is heavy.  And in this moment, at mile ten, all I can think about is surrender...not only to this race I am running, but also to The One that has set this path before me. 

This surrender is something I have to fight with every single long run, every single race.  When I am fighting with myself in my head...when I want to quit, when my body is done...I have to surrender.

Just as on the road, daily I must surrender to Him.  When I am wrestling with my own desires and what I know He wants from or for me...when life has me beat down and tired....when I want to throw in the towel and take the easier path...I must surrender.  I must take all that is weighing heavy on me...I must take my need to control....I must take my worry and doubt...just take all of it, and lay it at His feet.

A song, that comes with such negative memories...jaded...is as if I am hearing them with new ears.  My prayer is that these three words, "I. Surrender. All." would be ever so powerful in my life.  I have felt the weight of life on my shoulders when I shouldn't have been shouldering it in the first place...His yoke is easy and his burden is light (Matthew 11:30)...Surrender All.

Celebration of Days

I was putting my little men to bed on Saturday night.  When I kissed my littlest good night he looked at me and said, "Mama, can tomorrow night we have a celebration?"  He cracks me up...he's always looking for a reason to celebrate because whenever there are sweets involved, Collin is there.  I asked him what we would be celebrating.  He told me that we could celebrate the "many years" that we have all lived...mind you that he's only four.  It brought a smile to my face and I began to think of what we could do for our little celebration :

My first attempt at cake pops.  They didn't turn out as well as I hoped, but they tasted good.  The kids were thrilled with their little bites of cake on a stick.

What's a celebration without pizza, of course.  It's usually a $1 Totinos or a $5 hot n ready in this house...but I splurged for our Celebration of Days.

Before anyone could dig in, I handed every one their sign with how many days they have been alive.  Dan was a good sport...even though I think this kinds looks like a mug shot.

I feel so blessed to have been given this many days on this earth...and I am so thankful for the reminder that my littlest man has given us, that every day is a celebration.

My Princess with her number that she decorated.  Blessed to have been given a daughter here on this earth and for her thoughtfulness, smarts, and creativity she brings to our family.

My Middle Man with his grand total.  So thankful for him and his kindness and gentleness that he brings to our family.

And last, but not least (well, I guess his number is the least), my Littlest Man and his "many days".  So thankful for the fun and laughter he brings.

LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered--how fleeting my life is. - Psalms 39:4

Merry Christmas 2011

 The family picture that was on our Christmas cards this year.

The kids and me on Christmas Day.

Taken Care Of

I made a mistake...a big mistake
A mistake that I didn't know I made
until I opened an envelope on Friday morning.
I know I paid that.
I just know I did.
But, when I went back and looked
I noticed it:
my big mistake.
I had paid the right amount
to the wrong bank
and it was our mortgage payment.
Yeah, kind of an important one.
I was frantic.
I made a phone call
hoping to get some answers as to where
my money had ended up
and when I could get it back.
I got no where.
I had sent the money to a closed account
and it would take five business days
for any answers.
I was in a state of panic.
Worry.
I hung up the phone
and started to cry.
I rarely cry in front of the kids
and they began to ask questions:
"Why are you crying?"
"What's wrong, Mommy?"
"Are you ok, Mama?"
Without going in to a lot of detail
I told my kids that
I had accidentally
sent some money to
the wrong people,
money that was supposed to pay for our house.
Maybe not the best wording
because my four year old
told me he was sorry I did that
and then asked if I had
sent our money to the "wobbers".
My Middle Man gave me several hugs
and my Princess reminded me that
it would be okay because
"at least you and Daddy both have jobs".
Melt my heart is what my kids did.
It was just the encouragement that I needed.
Pray.Pray.Pray. is what I did.
I wrestled all day
with the same worry
the same doubt
talking to God about it all...
asking Him to take care of it...
asking Him to help me
give up these feelings
of worry and control.
I even asked Him to
fix it all before the 5 days.
I would like to think
that after a whole 22 months
of waiting, of seeing God provide,
of leaning on Him
that I have gotten better
but my initial reaction
still needs some work.
I walked the halls at work that Friday night
with a peace
thanking Him for what He was going to do
not knowing that
He had already done it.
My Father had already fixed it
before I even knew I made the mistake.
That night, my husband emailed me
at work
to tell me
that we had the refund check sitting
in our mailbox
and once again
I laughed at my God
smiled about how good He is to me
and confessed my unbelief
to my Father who cares
so tenderly for me.

It's Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas...

This year, my husband and kids surprised me with a real tree.  The tree is tall...very tall...and I laughed when I walked in the door and saw it.  It was the one that my Princess had her heart set on and her Daddy gave in.

My table looks so festive! 

Our Countdown to Christmas Clock on display.

Our Countdown to Christmas Kisses that we have done for a few years now...the kids love getting a kiss every morning.

It's Her

My four year old
all cozied up to her
lifts his head off of her chest
and says, "Gammy, you smell so familiar," 
and I would have to agree 
She does smell so familiar
She smells like comfort
she smells like a soft place to land
a conversation in her cozy bed
or a hug in the kitchen
she smells like home
there's none that smell
just. like. her.
a smell that welcomes me
after an extended time apart
a smell that I breathe deeply in
when I say my sad good-byes
hoping it will linger
a smell that is ingrained
and recognizable
it's her smell
and it's so familiar

Wordless Wednesday : They're My Favorites

Different

I am in love with this song...and have been listening to it over and over...

Where I Come From

I come from a warm home filled with laughter

I come from a place where a sister's love is what made my day

I come from days spent outside in the snow, sledding, fort building, and ice skating

I come from warm summer days spent beside our pool or by Higgin's Lake

I come from being surrounded by extended family where the more the merrier

I come from watermelon seed spitting competitions on the Fourth of July

I come from gathering around at Christmas time to listen to my Mom play the piano while my grandma sings Christmas songs

I come from a mother's love and sacrifice to stay at home with us and homeschool her three children

I come from a father's love and dedication to work hard and provide and protect his family

I come from summer camping trips up north and out west

I come from home cooked meals and ice cream as a bedtime snack

I come from a place where my Mom's piano playing is what lulled me to sleep

I come from summer nights spent catching lightening bugs

I come from playing tennis in the parking lot at church with my Grandparents

I come from late night games of sardines with a yard full of friends from youth group

I come from shaving cream fights and bond fires

I come from grandparents who took the time to enrich our lives

I come from a rich family heritage of God fearing ancestors

I come from parent's who made sure we were in church every Sunday

I come from a Father who was on his knees every morning for his family

I come from a Mother who poured her heart out in prayer for her children

I come from a Heavenly Father who saved me at a young age

I come from a Savior who has so tenderly cared for me for the past twenty-nine and a half years

I come from a heart of worship for what He has carried me through

I come from a forgiving Heavenly Father who lavishes me with His Grace and Mercy, which is new every morning

I come from overwhelming thankfulness for everything He has blessed me with....

That's Not a Turkey...

The kids were both given a family project to do for homework.  They both had to take the picture sent home (of a turkey) and dress it up to look like something else. 

Landon was given the assignment of dressing his turkey up and then writing a short paragraph entitled, "I'm Not a Turkey!"  When I asked him what he wanted to dress his turkey up as, there was no hesitation as he blurted out, "Mario!"  So, Landon gave the instructions, I did the cutting, and he put everything where he wanted it.

Kaitlyn wanted to get the fabric, glitter, buttons, and paint out and decorate her turkey that way.  As you can plainly see, her turkey came down with the chicken pox (or would they be called the turkey pox?) and is looking quite ill: 

Around My Neck

Today marks five years since my miscarriage
I went to bed on November 4th, 2006 pregnant
and not even twelve hours later I was dealing with
loss

I dealt with a lot of sadness and guilt after
Days of feeling numb
and days where I felt as if
I had no more tears left to cry

Shortly after, I had a dream
She was there
She was beautiful
blond
chubby
round face
and blue eyes
she looked just like Landon
and I knew her
I named her Madelyn
meaning magnificent
and believe God knew just what I needed
to heal

Five years later, I still think about her.
I look around and wonder
I sometimes feel like something is missing
and occasionally Kaitlyn will talk about her

I wanted to do something special to remember
on this five year anniversary
and when I saw it
I knew

It's a nest with three eggs
three eggs for my three gifts here on earth
hanging beside it
is July's birthstone
for my precious gift in heaven