Saturday, October 31, 2009
little somethin by Beth at 9:46 PM
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Isn't this the cutest cat you've ever seen? Kaitlyn has her Halloween parade tomorrow at school so we did a little dress rehersal today. All we did was go out and buy the ears, tail, and bow tie for $5 at Walmart and there we go. She loves it!
little somethin by Beth at 3:53 PM
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
It was 1 AM on October 27th. I was working at Walmart and had just completed my shift. I was exhausted from hardly any sleep the night before and a 10K race follow by work on the 26th. I had that foggy feeling in my head as I headed to the van. I sat there for a minute to let the van warm up. Put it in reverse, backed up, and then put it in drive. The rest is history. I don't remember much except for wondering why all of a sudden I was pushing the gas and the van wouldn't go anywhere...and the smoke. Where was all the smoke coming from?
Well, I had hit a light pole...you know, the ones that are buried in the concrete cylinder...in the parking lot of Walmart. The light is still leaning a bit to this day...I feel a sense of pride whenever I see it. I totalled the van...totalled it. My husband was jobless and I crashed the only vehicle that I was able to drive (his car is a stick shift).
The story gets better. I wasn't all there and my cell was dead. So, I had the bright idea of running home to let Dan know I had done. It was the fastest mile I had done in a while. I got home and knocked on the door. My husband informed me that I had just left the scene of an accident...I guess you aren't supposed to do that kind of thing. It was a wild night, like I said, most of it was a blur. But, one thing I do remember is how Dan made me feel. He wasn't upset with me at all. His display of love and acceptance was amazing that night. He made me feel safe.
Crashing the van was a blessing in disguise. I questioned why this, why now. God works everything for good. It was a car payment we couldn't afford...a money pit with problems. The six months we went without a second car and crammed (all 5 of us) in Dan's Aveo taught me to be thankful for what we have and that we can do without a lot...more than we think. It also was an eye opener as far as taking out loans for vehicles goes. It forced me to do something I never thought possible, I learned to drive a stick. God is so good and six months later, after saving, saving, saving, we paid cash for a van.
So, today is a reminder. Sometimes we don't understand...and maybe we never will. But, God's ways are higher than our ways. I think I just might take a drive and lay a wreath by the light post in memory of good old Bessie and an accident that I will never live down or hear the end of it. I am able to laugh at myself and chuckle when I think of the kids, months after, telling me to be careful and not crash the only car we had at the time...like I was a bad driver or something.
little somethin by Beth at 1:05 AM
Sunday, October 25, 2009
This morning I felt great. I set a goal to keep my pace under 9:30/mile. It always takes me a mile to warm up, so my first mile is usually my slowest....10:30 feels more comfortable to me during my first mile. Well, I ran my first mile in 9:15 and the rest pretty much followed suit.
The last mile was painful. I played a few mind games with myself, going back and forth between, "You've got to stop and walk." and "No, you will not stop and walk! This is your last race and you are not a quitter!" I pushed through it, felt as if I was having an anxiety attack, and passed several during my sprint across the finish line.
My official time: 58:49 (I knocked 5 minutes off of my time for this course last year)!!! I am very pleased with it...yet saddened that this will be the last race of the year. It's been a wonderful season.
little somethin by Beth at 8:56 PM
Saturday, October 24, 2009
I am really excited about running a 10K tomorrow. This is on my 10K playlist:
little somethin by Beth at 12:47 PM
Thursday, October 22, 2009
little somethin by Beth at 7:46 AM
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
One year ago, I was reading From Fear to Love:
October 29th, 2008
Learning What's Worth Living For (pg 22)
Our circumstances forced us to evaluate what as most important in life and what was worth living for. We reminded ourselves the God does stand as a sentinel at the gate of our lives, knowing exactly what comes in. We grew to realize that God is more concerned about or relationship with Him than all of our material and earthly pleasures. He came to bring us life in all its fullness. He allowed everything we had placed security in to be stripped away, so that we would find security in a way no earthly pleasure could satisfy.
When I posted the paragraph above almost one year ago, it was real to me...it's even more real to me now.
One year later, I find myself satisfied...not in material things, but in God alone.
Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
little somethin by Beth at 4:20 AM
Friday, October 16, 2009
Here's a paragraph from The Praying Life by Paul Miller that really spoke to me:
little somethin by Beth at 1:28 PM
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I posted this same post last year on her birthday. It still fits:
Most of my greatest memories from when I was younger include her. We were always paired together....twins when we were younger then as the "Farmer girls" when we got into Jr High. We were going to live together forever, do everything together. If we did happen to find someone to marry, they would be brothers so that we could have a double wedding and live right next door to eachother.
I would wake her at night to take me to the bathroom. She did it without complaining. She would sit outside the door, half asleep, until I was finished. Somehow, I thought that she could rescue me from the boogie man. As we got older, we would stay awake for hours talking about anything and everything until one of us would drift off to sleep. She was my other half...my better half.
Well, sometimes life doesn't go as planned. I miss her dearly. We live many states apart, see eachother only a few times a year. We didn't marry brothers, our kids don't get to see eachother for weekly playdates, and we don't have the privilege of doing Sunday dinner. The bond is still there though. There will never be another like her.
Happy Birthday, Calist. I can never fully express what you have meant and continue to mean to me. I am so thankful that I have had the opportunity to race with you this year...it's been a blast! I miss you so much and love you even more. I am still holding out hope that one day we will be a short car ride away.
little somethin by Beth at 5:42 AM
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tomorrow, October 15th, is National Pregnancy Loss and Remembrance Day to acknowledge babies lost to miscarriage, stillbirth, ectopic pregnancy, prematurity complications, neonatal death, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome-SIDS, illness, accidents, and other tragic causes.
It will be three years on November 5th since Dan and I lost a baby. It seems like forever ago. We named her Madelyn meaning magnificent...magnificent because of what God taught us through a baby our earthly eyes will never see or our earthly arms will never hold. I will be forever thankful for the blessing she brought for the few weeks that we knew of her. I will forever praise God for how it brought Dan and I together, made me realize what a blessing my earthly children are, and made me thankful for how Magnificent my God is.
My heart goes out, today, to those mothers who have lost babies...for their aching hearts and their longing arms. I pray that if you are one of them, that God will fill that heart and those arms with His love, peace, and joy.
little somethin by Beth at 8:55 PM
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Novemeber 7th, 2008:
little somethin by Beth at 6:47 AM
Monday, October 12, 2009
I joked occasionally about our unemployment benefits being our "security blanket". In many ways it was. I knew exactly when it would be deposited in our account each month and knew the ball park range that it would be. As long as we had that, we would be okay.
At the end of August, we received what would be our last snuggle from that "security blanket". When Dan would call and certify two weeks later, we would find out, unexpectedly, that it was gone.
When you hit rock bottom, do you know? Or do you not realize until you are on your way back up? Every time that I feel like we couldn't possibly fall any further...this has got to be our rock bottom...we fall a little further. Everytime, it hurts a little worse...could it possibly hurt more?
While cleaning out a drawer of paper clutter last week, I found an old budget. It was from before Dan lost his job back in September of 2008. I sat down and looked over it and got a little chuckle out of it. Our budget before Dan lost his job was about $3600 a month! Back then, I thought I could not possibly live on anything less...we could not possibly cut out anything more. It's funny what you find out when you have no other choice.
Currently, I am working between 16-24 hours a week and Dan is working about 16 on the weekends. It doesn't pay much in our stack of bills, but we are so thankful for what it does pay! God has been faithful in these past 8 weeks to provide the rest to take care of our needs.
It blows me away the things He has done in these past weeks. On days that we are feeling discouraged or like we can't take another step, He sends something or someone our way to encourage us on this road. Last week alone, we were blown away by what was given to us.
On Sunday morning, our cupboards were bare...literally...we had a few boxes of noodles, a tub of oatmeal, and a loaf of bread. Our fridge didn't look much different. I had decided that I was going to go to Aldi and pick up a few things to make it through another week. We went after church and I ran into someone that I hadn't seen in about 8 months, but knew what was going on. We talked and then finished up our shopping. I went to check out and pay for my groceries and the cashier told me that it had been covered by and pointed to the someone. It was amazing. I didn't want to make a scene so I fought back tears as I hugged the someone. It's moments like those...and we have had a TON of them...that boost our faith and make us believe that we CAN go another step further and He hasn't forsaken us nor has he forgotten about us.
Saying that this road is hard would be an understatement. I wish that when we lost our unemployment the road would have ended and we would have gotten our ticket saying that we passed. But, instead, we were taken to a different road...a more difficult road. For some reason, a reason higher than our understanding, God has chosen this road for us. For some reason He is testing us, teaching us, and pruning Dan and me. Let me tell you, I have continued to retreat to my closet to cry, to lay on the floor of my bedroom beside my bed and weep, and to stand in the shower and let the tears run down my cheeks. But, I will not, I will not, let this time pass in my life and not learn something from it, not grow because of it, and not allow myself to be pruned.
If you haven't read the book The Praying Life, you need to get your hands on it. It has really encouraged me in my prayer life.
My security blanket is my Heavenly Father. Without His covering, I would be nothing. I rise every morning and ask Him to give me my Daily Bread...nothing more, nothing less...to help me get through the day. Every night, I am thankful for what He has provided and the grace and love He has shown to me.
Lord, give me this day my daily bread, for You alone are my Security...
little somethin by Beth at 9:17 PM
Sunday, October 11, 2009
We have been taking advantage of our library lately. The kids get so excited when we go. This past week, I tried to pick a few fall books out. I found two that had a pumpkin theme. This was by far my favorite:
It's a great story about an old lady who doesn't like pumpkins because she was really poor growing up and it's basically all she ate. So, she vowed that she never wanted to see another pumpkin. One day, a pumpkin truck drives by and a huge pumpkin falls out of the truck on to her property. She freaks out and buries it. The next spring, the vine starts growing. She tries to kill it many times but just settles for looking the other way and even using another door in her house so she didn't have to walk by it. The plant got a little out of control while she was turning a blind eye and she had a ton of pumpkins. She decided to make the best of it and made pies, breads, and whatever else you can make with pumpkins. She was making it for other people. To draw attention to her baked goods, she carved faces in a few other pumpkins and set them out in front of her house. The people started coming and she was able to feed them all and decided pumpkins were okay and she was going to take a few left over seeds and plant them for next year.
I thought the book had a really good story that even I enjoyed. So, go find this book at your local library!! Happy reading with the kiddos!
little somethin by Beth at 7:08 PM
Saturday, October 10, 2009
little somethin by Beth at 10:30 AM
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Too many times, words don't come out the way that I would like. I can't do justice when trying to verbalize feelings. It's in writing that I find that...that I can express myself...describe how I am feeling. It's also great therapy in times like these.
The poem above is and ABC (this time I did end up using ABC):
A poem that has five lines that create a mood, picture, or feeling. Lines 1 through 4 are made up of words, phrases or clauses while the first word of each line is in alphabetical order. Line 5 is one sentence long and begins with any letter.
little somethin by Beth at 6:35 AM
Sunday, October 4, 2009
little somethin by Beth at 7:03 AM
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
So, we got all of her clothes packed away and it was time to bring out her winter clothes. I had been given a few bags of clothes for the kids over a year ago. The clothes were too big at the time so I sorted them out and tucked them away. Along with stuff that Dan's Mom has sewn for Kaitlyn and things that my Mom has bought, this was the end result looks like:
All I could do is praise Him while hanging everything up. I stood back and almost started to cry. So do not worry and say, "What should I wear?" Along with all of these clothes for her, there were also two pairs of shoes (a brown pair of boots and a black pair of dress shoes) just her size in the tub.
I am desperately praying for a job for Dan that brings our total for what we need to make budget. I asked Him to provide a job for him by October 1st, but my Father knows what's best for us and while I was very disappointed, He gently whispered to me yesterday on my run, "Just hold on a little longer, my child...just a little longer."
I am praying that it's just a little longer.
little somethin by Beth at 8:38 AM
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Click here to read about Hope.
little somethin by Beth at 12:18 PM