Friday, November 28, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I am weary with crying out; my throat is parched. My eyes have failed, looking for my God. ~Psalms 69:3
Contrary to what others may think, this blog rarely contains my inner most thoughts. It's only a snapshot of my life...a tiny piece of my puzzle. We all have our days. I am learning quite well through this road we are walking that we all can't imagine what someone's life is like, what it's like to walk in their shoes. It's not even about, "You don't know until you've been there" anymore. It's more like, "You don't know because you are not so and so". We are all human. We are all judgemental to some degree. I have become less through this.
Well, Psalms 69:3 sums up the past few days for me. We are one day from three months...halfway through our unemployment...the sand in the hour glass seems to be moving so very quickly now. Every week it's something new. Our lives have been turned upside down. God is showing me that nothing should bring me comfort but HIM. Basically, everything has changed right down to our life insurance policy. :-) I asked Dan last night, "Do you ever look around and ask yourself 'is this really my life?'" I actually feel like sometimes I am living someone else's life.
Psalms 69 has been a comfort to me:
1Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto my soul.
2I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me.
3I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my God.
4They that hate me without a cause are more than the hairs of mine head: they that would destroy me, being mine enemies wrongfully, are mighty: then I restored that which I took not away.
5O God, thou knowest my foolishness; and my sins are not hid from thee.
6Let not them that wait on thee, O Lord GOD of hosts, be ashamed for my sake: let not those that seek thee be confounded for my sake, O God of Israel.
7Because for thy sake I have borne reproach; shame hath covered my face.
8I am become a stranger unto my brethren, and an alien unto my mother's children.
9For the zeal of thine house hath eaten me up; and the reproaches of them that reproached thee are fallen upon me.
10When I wept, and chastened my soul with fasting, that was to my reproach.
11I made sackcloth also my garment; and I became a proverb to them.
12They that sit in the gate speak against me; and I was the song of the drunkards.
13But as for me, my prayer is unto thee, O LORD, in an acceptable time: O God, in the multitude of thy mercy hear me, in the truth of thy salvation.
14Deliver me out of the mire, and let me not sink: let me be delivered from them that hate me, and out of the deep waters.
15Let not the waterflood overflow me, neither let the deep swallow me up, and let not the pit shut her mouth upon me.
16Hear me, O LORD; for thy lovingkindness is good: turn unto me according to the multitude of thy tender mercies.
17And hide not thy face from thy servant; for I am in trouble: hear me speedily.
18Draw nigh unto my soul, and redeem it: deliver me because of mine enemies.
19Thou hast known my reproach, and my shame, and my dishonour: mine adversaries are all before thee.
20Reproach hath broken my heart; and I am full of heaviness: and I looked for some to take pity, but there was none; and for comforters, but I found none.
21They gave me also gall for my meat; and in my thirst they gave me vinegar to drink.
22Let their table become a snare before them: and that which should have been for their welfare, let it become a trap.
23Let their eyes be darkened, that they see not; and make their loins continually to shake.
24Pour out thine indignation upon them, and let thy wrathful anger take hold of them.
25Let their habitation be desolate; and let none dwell in their tents.
26For they persecute him whom thou hast smitten; and they talk to the grief of those whom thou hast wounded.
27Add iniquity unto their iniquity: and let them not come into thy righteousness.
28Let them be blotted out of the book of the living, and not be written with the righteous.
29But I am poor and sorrowful: let thy salvation, O God, set me up on high.
30I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify him with thanksgiving.
31This also shall please the LORD better than an ox or bullock that hath horns and hoofs.
32The humble shall see this, and be glad: and your heart shall live that seek God.
33For the LORD heareth the poor, and despiseth not his prisoners.
34Let the heaven and earth praise him, the seas, and every thing that moveth therein.
35For God will save Zion, and will build the cities of Judah: that they may dwell there, and have it in possession.
36The seed also of his servants shall inherit it: and they that love his name shall dwell therein.
With Thanksgiving coming up, I have more to be thankful for than ever before...or rather I realize now, just how much I have.
First and foremost, I am thankful for everything God has been and is to us. He is my COMFORT, my PROVISION, my SHELTER, just to name a few that are so evident to me right now. As Hollie sang on Sunday, HE is the maker of beautiful things.
A taste of the rest: HUSBAND, MY CHILDREN, FAMILY, FRIENDS, MY HOME, BILLS THAT ARE PAID, FOOD IN OUR CUPBOARDS, A BODY THAT IS ABLE TO RUN, SUNNY DAYS, FULL CLOSETS, LAUGHTER, HUGS, BEING MADE NEW, THE LEARNING, NEEDS THAT ARE MET, EACH NEW DAY
little somethin by Beth at 8:09 AM
Saturday, November 22, 2008
"Mommy,look! I am a dog!"
I guess this is what happens when a princess spends her evenings with her Daddy and two brothers. She stuck her head in her bowl and was lapping her ice cream out like a puppy. My poor girl!
little somethin by Beth at 1:22 AM
Friday, November 21, 2008
little somethin by Beth at 11:06 AM
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
...yep, eleven. I can hardly believe it. It's been eleven weeks since my husband lost his job.
It's been a hard adjustment, but we are making it. I still have my days where I just don't think I can do this anymore. They aren't as frequent as in the beginning of all of this, but they are still there.
Dan and I have walked through some difficult things in these past eleven weeks. Some days it has felt like I have been walking through a refining fire...somedays I feel burned...mostly, I feel as if I am being molded and shaped into something new.
I have never liked change all too much...unless it is change of decor in my house. New situations, new people, new places get my stomach all in knots. My sister in law thought I was crazy when I shared with her a few years back how I even hate going to different gas stations. When I lived with my parents, there was a certain one I always went to. The day I talked myself into taking the leap and going somewhere else, I locked my keys in my car. I am not as bad anymore because I have been forced to overcome that fear. :-) I have had a lot of knots along this road Dan and I are walking, but with each step, the incline is seeming not so steep and I am learning how to follow and not try to run up ahead of my Jesus. He knows where I am going and what path is best for me. All I gotta do is move my feet.
little somethin by Beth at 7:45 AM
Monday, November 17, 2008
little somethin by Beth at 9:07 PM
Saturday, November 15, 2008
My parents arrived this weekend with our Christmas present...wood floor for our dining room and entrance from the garage! It was a long project and my Dad and Dan worked very hard, but it's finally done. It looks beautiful and it will be great for spills with my three little ones.
little somethin by Beth at 6:29 PM
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
My little Zaiah is 15.5 months old but is looking so much older to me. I looked over today and saw him playing his fork like a guitar. The kid is way in to music. He likes to join in with the big kids and has begun to expand his vocabulary. What an angel boy!
Lastly, blackmail. :-) This is what happens when you want a playmate so desperately that you are willing to let your older sister make you over like a princess, complete with manicure, rhinestone shirt, and a crown. Lookin gorgeous...I will hang on to this one.
little somethin by Beth at 7:43 PM
Last night, at work, I read an interesting fact that you might want to keep in mind as we go into hibernation mode during the winter months:
Studies have shown that gaining just 4 extra pounds during the year increases you risk for cancer by 50%!
That, along with my new issue of Runner's World (thanks to Hollie), will give me the motivation I need to spend some time on my treadmill.
little somethin by Beth at 3:43 PM
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Okay, I just gotta say, again, that I am totally lovin this book! I am learning things that I never had an interest in before such as IRA's, Mutual Funds, the financial differences between life insurance policies (which we will be changing after reading this book), and a whole lot more. So, people, if you are not already educated on how to take control of your financial situation then start with this book by Dave Ramsey.
I loved this paragraph:
Guarantees Are for Children (p 146)
If you grow up in a safe environment with love and nurturing, then you make a pretty decent adult. If you don't, then you have to learn how to trust everyone, including yourself. If you were lucky enough to grow up safe, then you have had some guarantees; but as you became a teenager you went out a little in that cold, cruel world and found it isn't always safe. As we grow up and become functioning adults, we spend all our time in that cold, cruel world. Soon we learn that they only guarantees are our Lord and our own ability to kill something and drag it home. If we keep being an adult, we find that we would have it no other way. The lion at the zoo is a pitiful sight- the king of beasts is eating processed food. You can see deep down in his soulful eyes that he misses the thrill of the hunt.
Man, I love that paragraph! I think there's nothing more to be said.
little somethin by Beth at 7:45 AM
Monday, November 10, 2008
Christmas has been like a ticking time bomb in the back of my mind. It will soon be here, thus begins the talk of Christmas lists. I was thinking the other night about how we are going to pull this one off for the kids or more likely, how are we going to break it to them that presents are the last of our worries. So, do you think they would be forever scarred if we broke it to them this way:
"Kids, we have called this meeting to inform you that Santa is broke this year and Mrs. Clause is working overtime to make ends meet so they can keep that cute little cottage they have in the North Pole and put food on the table for the little elves. On top of all that, Santa lost half of his reindeer in an accident and is now using his down sized sleigh and is unable to fit anything else in there other than his little helpers. Maybe things will turn around in time for next year."
Think it will work on a four, three, and one year old? :)
little somethin by Beth at 8:00 AM
Saturday, November 8, 2008
We are coming up on week 10 of this whole unemployed thing. The past couple days have been not so good ones.
Work has been something close to awful. The beginning of my work day yesterday was no exception. I will list them out:
- found out that third shift supervisor that treated us like dirt a few nights before was scheduled
- spilled 4 gallons of white paint all over the floor
- looked at my schedule to see that Thanksgiving week, I was scheduled for 47 hrs in one week
- found out that I was working Thanksgiving
- overheard that everyone that I was working with decided they weren't coming back after lunch except for this other guy and myself (which is a regular occurrence).
So, Dan arrived to pick me up for my hour lunch break and I fell apart right there in the car. The words, "I don't think I can do this anymore" came out of my mouth. But, I knew that it wasn't possible to quit. First, I am not a quitter...it can be my biggest fault. Second, that would make us about $600 short every month in our budget. Ouch! So, I am basically stuck. Maybe that's why I feel pinned up against a wall most days.
I tried to forget about my impending doom while having a fun time with the family on my lunch break. The kids always seem to cheer me up and Dan had whipped up some guac as a special surprise for me. But, time flies when you are having fun and it was time to head back.
I got in the car and immediately began to talk to my God who is bigger than the list mentioned above. I told Him how I wanted to quit so bad but I needed to know what He wanted me to do. I told Him that I would follow whatever, wherever, but I just needed Him to make it ever so clear.
I wiped the tears from my eyes, got out of the car, and walked back into work. I punched in, took a deep breath, and whispered, "three more hours." An assistant manager walked up behind me and asked, "Are you ready to change your schedule?" Of course I was all over that. He said that after looking it over, the head honchos had agreed to give me Saturday off. I explained that I appreciated it but that still leaves me with an extra day. He said, "Well, what other day do you want off?" It was my chance. "Could I have Thanksgiving Day?" to which he said, "Sure." So, three and four was taken care of. I walked back to start work again after thanking him two or three times and found everyone came back but one guy. Check five off the list. Then, the third shift super didn't utter one word to me the whole night. I think I got my answer. I am relieved. I would like to be out of there, but I am where God wants me for now.
I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber. ~Psalm 121:1-3
little somethin by Beth at 5:44 PM
Friday, November 7, 2008
So, after finishing From Fear to Love, I knew the two that I had to get my hands on next. Last night, we took a family outing to the library where I picked up, Financial Peace by Dave Ramsey. I can't put it down! Has anyone else out there read this book?
I have never thought that what people do with their money is who they are but this makes total sense...
"Personal finance is who you are. The personal, philosophical, and emotional problems and strengths that you have will be reflected in your use of money. If you are very disciplined,you can be a good saver of money. If you are very selfish or self-centered, you will surround yourself with things you cannot afford."
little somethin by Beth at 11:24 AM
Thursday, November 6, 2008
little somethin by Beth at 3:42 PM
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Back in our before lives, Dan and I went out a lot. We are quality time people and with three little ones, quality time can be scarce. Movies, concerts, amusement parks, a walk in the park, we like to have fun together. It was so important that we carved out that time together. Well, now, sitters are too expensive and a night out is just outrageous on our budget.
Tonight Dan and I are going out...without the kids...on a date! What can I say?! We have some best friends that ROCK and are giving us a whole entire night out.
Four and a half years ago, we did something pretty neat. We bought a house right next to Dan's highschool friend and her husband. We didn't know eachother very well at the time so I didn't know just how fun this was going to be.
I live hundreds of miles away from my family. Hollie and Jeremy and their kids have become our family. I never thought that could have a friendship as true, as close, or as real as the friendship that two sisters share. Hollie has become my sister. I truly don't know what I would do without her. We have shared many tears, she's let me cry on her shoulder many times, the laughter is constant, the accountability is great. I know she accepts me, loves me, and has my back through this life.
So Hollie, I just wanted to tell you that you that you have blessed my life more than you will ever know!
little somethin by Beth at 11:03 AM
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Well, this morning, I got up and made a stop on my running route. I stopped in at the township hall to vote in my third presidential election. Remember to vote today if you haven't already!
little somethin by Beth at 11:55 AM
Monday, November 3, 2008
little somethin by Beth at 10:12 AM
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Just when the feeling starts to creep back in, I am reminded by my Heavenly Father, through someone that He has called, that we are not forgotten.
This road is a lonely one. I struggle day to day with feelings of being forgotten, be it by people or by My God. It's mostly in the quiet times or when I am alone at work when my mind starts to wander. I have a lot of time alone at work to think...haven't figured out if it's a good thing or a bad thing yet. It's not what anyone has done or hasn't and my feelings might be totally unfounded, but still, it's how I feel.
I have begun to realize when I am most vulnerable to the negative thoughts but haven't quite figured out how to totally bridle them altogether. Scripture helps, certain songs keep my thoughts focused where they need to be, emails from people help me feel remembered. Yesterday it was two gallons of milk.
little somethin by Beth at 11:44 AM