Monday, November 2, 2009

Amazed at Fourteen

This past month has been nothing short of A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

Fourteen months and I feel renewed.

When we lost our unemployment back in August, I thought it was hopeless...God had bigger plans.

He carried us through one month and I breathed a sigh of relief.

We walked with him through another month and the lights went on.

He is going to take care of us no matter what.

I thought living on 40% of what Dan was making when he was working was hard! These past two months have forced me to really believe God and claim His promises. Never in my life have a lived this way. We had no back up plan, no other choice. It was up to God to provide for us and I looked to Him for my Daily Bread. I have seen amazing things. Our freezer is full, my kids have closets full of winter clothes, and we have not been late on one single bill. God is Good seems like an understatement right now.

There are changes going on here...exciting ones!

We got a letter from UE two weeks ago saying that our benefits would be reinstated pending 30 days that they have to contest the decision. We expected to have to wait the 30 days to see anything deposited into our account. Well, that's not the case! We are praising God for the relief that he has brought to us...even if we lose it in the next two weeks.

I am still loving my job. I think back to how miserable I was where I was working last year (I was unloading trucks at gotta do, what you gotta do). What a difference! I have a great boss and I work with wonderful people. I am currently taking steps to earn the title of Phlebotomy Tech 2, which will earn me a little raise. I am so thankful that God equipped me with the skills and training several years ago for such a time as this and I count it a blessing to be able to provide for my family.

The biggest change that is going to be taking place around here is Dan going back to school. I am so excited for him! We have thrown the idea around for a while and feel like we have "wasted" a year. It would be a shame for another year to pass and again be left with the "I wish we would have done this". He is waiting to hear on the grants he applied for. If he is approved, he will be taking a full load...if not, he will have to do it a little chunk at a time.

Amazing pretty much sums up this past month. A year ago, I complained about having to live on 40% of what Dan was making. After two months of living without that UE check, 40% is a blessing!

I have come to terms with the fact that life two years ago is something that we cannot go back to. It was a painful realization, but I had to deal with it. I was holding out for life to get back to that comfortable "normal"...back to the life I used to have where Dan went off to work and made good money and I stayed home with the kids...back to the life where I didn't feel a twinge of jealousy when people talked about going here, doing this, buying this. In the beginning, I could hope that we were going to be in this situation for just a short time...I could hope for my "before normal" and be happy for others when their husbands got a big bonus or even just got a job....when people were able to go on vacation or even just go out on a date. The months went by, and I could pretend to be happy, but I would get home or get off the phone and just sob. My heart ached to be able to just live a day without all this stress heavy on my back.

Then, after we lost our unemployment, God really spoke to me and to my heart revealing some pretty ugly things. I heard him say, "My child, are you lacking anything?" With the bitter tears running down my face, I thought and was forced to answer no. "Search yourself, search your heart." I found a prideful, jealous person that was still holding on to the past. Those feelings still creep up but I have learned to ask myself, "Are you taken care of? Are you lacking anything?" and the answer is always no.

Despite of me, God continues to bless us beyond what we could have ever imagined. The details of my everyday life that God has planned out and ordained before time amaze me.

I am amazed.

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