Saturday, September 5, 2009

My name on a page...

I have done a number of them...Beth Moore studies that is.
I have done the study on John, Daniel, David, Esther...just to name a few.
I have also done the study entitled Believing God.
God reminded me of that study on Wednesday...

It's easy to believe God when the waters are calm in the sea of life. It's easy to believe when you are feeling God's blessings. It's easy to believe God when it's smooth sailing.

That's where I was when I did the study and I was sure I was believing God.

I don't think it's any coincidence that the very same day that I ordered the study, Breaking Free, my Father-in-law told me that he bought the book Praying God's Word for me.

I got the book from him on Sunday. I did not open it...until Wednesday.

I was low on Wednesday, but trying to just get through the day. I pasted on a smile for most of the day, put on my happy voice when people called, and fought back the tears that wanted so badly to fall.

I was sitting in my room alone, crying. I remembered the study. I remembered the little sayings in there: God is who He says He is. God can do what He says He can do. I am who God says that I am. I can do what God says I can do.

While going over them, whispering them outloud, I felt as if I was only giving lip service. I spotted the book over on my dresser. Just.Pick.Up.The.Book.

I turned to the table of contents: Chapter 2: Overcoming Unbelief.

I thought it couldn't hurt to start there, but how could I not believe God after a year of waiting on Him...a year of crying out to Him.

Before I go any farther, I just have to say, her name is Beth, my name is Beth. It seems to make things she says to herself, using her name, somewhat more convicting than if her name was Sue or something.

I started reading. Three paragraphs down, a few sentences in, I read this:

"Beth, I want you to believe Me." I was appalled. "Lord," I answered, "Of course I believe in You. I've been believed in You all my Life." I felt like He responded very clearly. Adamantly. "I didn't ask you to believe in Me. I asked you to believe Me."

I sat very puzzled for several moments until I was able certain that the Holy Spirit had faithfully shed light on my pitifully small faith. I sensed Him saying, "My child, you believe Me for so little. Don't be so safe in the things you pray. Who are you trying to keep from looking foolish? Me or you?

The prayer of my heart (taken from the book):

Father, I don't want to be like the ancient Israelites who were not able to enter the Promised Land "rest" because of their unbelief. (Heb 3:19) Help me to believe You and follow You to the place of Your promised land in my own life. According to Your Word, faith is being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see. (Heb 11:1) Please increase my assurance and certainty of the things You've promised but that I cannot see. Amen.

1 things to add:

Rebecca said...

Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share your heart! I completely understand the difference between 'believing in' and just plain believing. After Olivia's death, it helped me to focus on the promises that He has made to me, instead of on the prayers that He didn't answer the way I wanted Him to. I agree wholeheartedly with what you said: It's easy to believe God when it's smooth sailing.