Monday, February 2, 2009

Five Months

I hoped that it wouldn't last this long. Two, three, if it must four, but never five. Five just seemed too long...too unbearable. It's almost one half of a whole year. It's about 154 days...sometimes it seems like forever.

Yep, it's the second of the month again. Which means, my husband lost his job five months ago. This month was a tough one. Our situation is getting a little old (is anyone tired of reading about it...please don't answer that). I am trying to remain teachable and find learning in everything. Somedays still, I end up beside my bed on my face crying into the itchy carpet fibers. My hearts desire is to please my Father, but often I feel like I have failed.

This past month, we were over on our budget and I went into panic mode. The stress of working so many hours and the time spent away from my family was almost unbearable. It's funny how God whispers in the tiniest things. Dan had an interview with a staffing agency. I thought it was a waste of time but whatever. I had been praying, pleading, that God would show us a way that I would be able to stay home. After Dan got done over at the agency, he gave me a call. Turns out, he can work and make half of his benefit and still keep his unemployment. It was right under our nose this whole time (or in the unemployment hand book that is). Although working outside the home 32 plus hours a week taught me a lot, I was excited to hear the news. This past week, God gave me the go ahead to quit my job at Walmart. I have been off for almost a week now and I feel so much better. My face has cleared up, I am back on track with diet and exercise, I feel refreshed. Satan, however, is up to his old tricks. With Dan's part time job we will be short a little over $100 a month. I have found myself worrying about that $100...worried about what we won't be able to pay. He has a terrible way of catching us in his mind games and trying to make us believe that God won't show up this time. My God is never late. He may not stick to the time plan that I have. He may never be early. But, my God does show up and He is always on time.

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. ~Hebrews 11:6

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ~Romans 8:28

Thank you, Lord, for giving me the strength to Stand.

1 things to add:

Rebecca said...

No, I'm not tired of reading about it! This might sound silly, but it's almost comforting in a way to know that I'm not the only one waiting on God, or crying, or wondering how He is going to show up next. I feel encouraged to continue reading your journey, as I know He will manifest Himself in our situation as He has done for you.

Yippee for staying home again!!!