I don't know what your destiny would be, but one thing I do know: The only ones among you who would be really happy are those who have sought and found who to serve.
~Albert Schweitzer
It just hasn't felt right. I didn't know why. I was willing to go...told God I was going. Everything felt forced, rushed the further I pursued it. I was being pulled one direction, but felt a tug another way. I felt God telling me to wait. Again. When I have a passion for something, I go at it with all I have. I don't rest. I was praying for His will not mine, His peace, His leading. I don't want any control.
When have I ever waited for anything? That's a question that I have been asking myself over and over the past six weeks, since I really realized what God wanted me to do with this burden I have for orphans. The answer I kept coming up with is rarely ever. I have gotten pretty much everything I have ever wanted and I have gotten it rather quickly...I can be quite relentless, obsessive...you get the drift. To wait for something six months...a year...unheard of.
It's exactly what I hear God telling me. It was a whisper at first. As the weeks went by, it was as if He was saying it with a mega phone. He is telling me to wait on Him while he renews my strength. Not only am I supposed to wait to go to Zambia, but I am not supposed to go there at all right now. Its just a way by which God has shown me what he wants from me. I don't know what the future holds. I would love to go to Zambia. But, 2010 will be the year that I go to Guatemala.
Which also leads me to the prayer of my heart: That Guatemala would reopen to adoption by the time we are ready to get the process started. That's all I will say about that right now though.
I think when all is said and done, this year of my life, 2009, will have the title :
The Year I Learned to Wait.
But those who wait upon the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. ~Isaiah 40:31
Teach me, Lord, to wait.
2 things to add:
Waiting and giving up control is not always fun.
Praying...
Hi Beth;
This is a real "Big Girl" post...actually at my house we'd say that you put on your "Big Girl underpants." * Yeah, don't ask why...we just do. ;-)
Much maturity in knowing that God is in the waiting. Very mature to ask to learn 'how' to wait.
Bless your heart. He knows where your children are, put your heart firmly on Him and you will be sure that He will direct your path to them...in His time, when they are ready.
(hug)
Kimmie
mama to 7
one homemade and 6 adopted
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