Side of the Fridge

I am in love with what's hanging on the side of my fridge...clean & organized...my cup of tea!

He'll Be Back Again Someday...

...and hopefully not until December!

My Princess and my Middle Man with Frosty (My Littlest Man was inside.  He came down with Strep the night before)

Last Friday, we got a little bit of snow...six inches of wet, heavy snow.  I can't complain.  This mild winter has been wonderful!  We were excited to be able to play in it one last (crossing my fingers) time...and build our very first snowman of the year.  Frosty tipped over two days later with the warmer weather and yesterday he went missing.

Forecast for next week says high sixties...bring it on!

Her Best Friend Curtis

She tucks him in

before she heads off to school

in a new box

that suits him so nicely

she covers him

with the same "specials"

that she needed to sleep

when she was so little

and he waits for her

all day

to come home

to be reunited again

she walks in

he finds her

laying down and relaxing

and he'll come to her

lay on her chest

and go back to sleep

in the arms of his best friend.

No More

This marks the end of an era.  She came to me tonight and said that she knows that there is no Santa, no Easter Bunny, and (gasp) no Tooth Fairy.  I must say, I am totally relieved.

I grew up believing in Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy...and I have to add that I didn't resent my parents, didn't doubt Jesus was real, and wasn't at all disappointed.  So, when it came to raising our kids, our personal preference was to do the whole Santa thing...and whole heartedly believe that it doesn't scar children.  It's a choice.

Never did I think that she would go on believing in Santa until the age of seven and a half.  I was kinda thinking it would be a quick couple of years and then would come the big question and we'd be done.

My husband has been taking time to talk with Kaitlyn about deeper spiritual things.  She wants to be baptized and wants to learn more.  So, I guess this came up in a talk they had...the whole Santa thing.

She came to me tonight before bed and blurted out, "I know that there's no Santa.  That it's you and Daddy."  I smiled and acted surprised...just joking with her.  I asked her if she was disappointed that there's no Santa and no Tooth Fairy.  She laughed and replied, "Nope, because I still like getting gifts from you guys."  It's all good.

Santa and the Tooth Fairy are no more...the Easter Bunny...well, I still have nightmarish visions of him coming to our front door when I was little...he's real, and he's scary.

Frozen

He's the only one home with me. He's the youngest. He's enjoying his
time at home before he's off to kindergarten in the fall. I wish I
would have had a year with each of my kids alone like this.

There's never a dull moment with this one. His world is one of
amazement at the little things, an imagination gone completely wild,
and sweet talking like no one else. One day with him and you will
laugh more, smile more, stand in awe at things that you never have
before, and truly feel like you have lost your mind.

Today was no exception. My littlest man loves to pretend...and most
of all, he loves to play Polly Pocket's. I think it started out as an
obsession only because he could only play when his big sister was away
and it was to be our little secret. Now, he doesn't care...and she
loves that he will sit and play with her. So, after our usual play in
Polly World it was time to move on and play something else.

He was, of course, a prince...and I was some sort of maid or
something. He had a horse and was riding it around. He jumped off of
the horse to come in for some lemonade and juice (bowling pins) and
then announced that he was off to the zoo. I told him that he had
better ride his pony to the zoo. He looked at me, as serious as ever,
and said that he was actually going to ride his pink bunny to the
zoo...and away he hopped, sitting on a giant, stuffed pink bunny.

I called him on his cell minutes later to ask if I was supposed to
feed his horse while he was gone. I expected him to answer with a
simple yes...but I should know by now that nothing is ever simple with
my littlest man. He said, "Oh no, I forgot that I have the bag of
food in my pocket," and so he had to hop back home...with instructions
that I should not feed it all to her at one time. Minutes later, he
was back...and apparently he had gotten his PhD while away. He
instructed me to sit down and got out his stethoscope. "Beep, beep,
beep, beep," He said. "I hear your heart beeping." I asked if he
thought I was going to be okay. "It's beeping so fast. I think you
are going to die soon," and then he was off doing the dishes and
making us a grand meal...his being made up of mostly cookies and mine
being mostly veggies.

A day in the life. I just want to freeze him four forever.

Seriousness of Lately

Once again I find myself staring at my neglected blog, remembering the days where any little thing, any bit of news or happening, found it's way to this page.  I'm gonna try harder, I really am.

Around the middle of January, we had a bit of a scare here.  The thought of going through another unemployment had me in a state of panic.  It was during that time though that I realized how comfortable I have gotten in where we are...how much less I pray...how much less I come to Him with things unless they are urgent...unless they are far beyond what I can handle.  I could really kick myself...give myself a stern talking to.  God is so very patient with me.  Once again, I confess my unbelief and stand in awe of how he works everything out (beyond anything I could have imagined).  Dan worked a few short weeks that we are still trying to catch up on, but he still has a job and we are thankful.  Most of all, I am thankful for the reminder of what He has brought us through and for the reminder that I still need to be face down beside my bed talking to Him, walking the halls at work talking to Him, and ever mindful of how He has promised to never leave or forsake.

I have my sights set on running a half marathon on my 30th (yes, the big 3-0 is coming up for me this year!) birthday.  I had a bit of a scare the past couple of weeks and finally found my way to the doctor last Wednesday.  I am thankful that all of the testing has come back good so far.  I had to cut back my running all last week and got a taste of what life would be without my love...it left me praying that I would never have to live a run-less life.  I haven't had another episode in the past week and I am hoping that whatever it was won't return.  After the half on my birthday, I have my sights set on another full in May...crossing my fingers that everything works out.

My parents were able to come for a visit this past weekend.  It was just what I needed.  My Mom took me away for a pedicure.  My feet enjoyed the TLC.  My Dad took Dan and the boys to see Star Wars in 3D.  While they were away, my Mom treated my Princess to a day out to where ever she chose.  Kait gave it some thought and told her that she wanted to head to Barnes & Noble and then out for shakes...so that's what we did.  We finished up a great day by having a taco party.  The time always seems too short and I am always left waving good bye at the front door, puzzled, wondering where the time went.  I usually walk around for a few days after, feeling like someone has sucker punched me in the gut and knocked the wind out of me.  It's heartbreak everytime I have to say goodbye to my family...and you would think I would be used to it by now.  I guess after ten years of goodbyes to someone (Dan or my family) it wears on my heart.

February 15th, marked the ten year anniversary of me flying out on a whim to visit Dan for the first time.  I honestly can't believe that it's been ten years.  I was thinking about that the other day...the ups and downs, all we've been through, and how we continue to grow.  These past six weeks, especially, have been the most amazing.  It's been hard work, on both of our parts, but the rewards are great.  I sat in church on Sunday, at the end of the service in a time of prayer, his arm around me, rubbing my shoulder...I have never been more grateful for this man.  He has stepped up...and surprised me, his biggest critic at times.  We are learning right along side of eachother.  I was talking to someone the other day about marriage and how it's the hardest work I have ever done in my life...not a cake walk, my friends...I said that we are almost nine years in to it and it's just in the last couple of weeks that I truly feel that we are beginning to "get it".  It has to do with a lot of factors in our lives and we have in no way "arrived", but we are in a wonderful place right now and I feel blessed to be able to sit beside him in church and thank God for this man he has raised up to lead me and the kids.

So, with all of that seriousness out of the way, I hope to keep this thing up...

Spelling Bee

Both of my kids were in the top three in their class when the grades of their past spelling tests were reviewed and averaged out.  Because of this, they were both told they would be one of three representing their class in their grade spelling bee.  They were given a list of words to practice and told that the spelling bee would be on January 20th.


We practiced and practiced some more. 


My Princess was thrilled and told me that she was going to win.  She exuded confidence and determination...fitting first born personality. 


My Middle Man, on the other hand, dreaded the day, hated to practice, and told me that he knew he wasn't going to win.  He was so unsure of himself and lacked the confidence that he could do this...but his Mama knew he could.


One the morning of the 20th, both of my spellers woke and were not in good spirits. 


My Princess said that her throat, head, and stomach hurt...all signs that she has strep.  I was so concerned for her...not only because she wasn't feeling well, but also because I knew the goal she had set before her.  I asked her if she still wanted to go to school.  She told me yes.  I explained to her (since I knew her bee would be right when she got to school) that when she was finished winning, she could go straight to the nurses office and call me and I would go to the school and get her.  She liked the idea so I gave her a dose of Motrin and sent her on her way with a prayer and a hug.


My Middle Man was so scared.  His stomach hurt, but for a different reason than my Princess.  Before it was time to get coats and shoes on he started to cry and told me he didn't want to be in the spelling bee.  I held him and tried to comfort him.  Ever since seeing The Help, I have been taking my kids' faces in my hands (or whispering in their ears) and saying, "You is kind, you is smart, you is important."  It always brings a smile to their faces.  So, I took his face in my hands, looked him in the eyes, and told him those words.  He giggled a little bit.  I told him that I knew he could do this and it didn't matter to me if he won or not, I was so proud of him for making it in the top three of his class.  So, I sent him off with a prayer and a hug...and Mama had a bit of a stomach ache herself.


I was watching the clock and at 8:45, I began to pray for them.  I was expecting to hear from my Princess anytime after 9:30 or so.  The phone didn't ring.  At around 11:30, I checked my email and there was an email from Landon's teacher telling me that Landon did so well, she was so proud of him, and he won for his grade level!  She said that he actually looked like he enjoyed himself and was excited.  Then, a few minutes later, I got a message from another 2nd grade teacher that I know saying that both of my kids were grade level winners.  Tears filled my eyes and I whispered prayers of thanks...and Mama was so proud.


Around noon, I got a call from the school office saying that Kaitlyn was running a temp of 100.4 and I needed to come get her.  I hurried to pick her up.  I got her in the car and she said she needed to go straight to the doctor because she felt so terrible.  I was so proud of her strong will and determination to hang in there long enough to win.  I asked her if she felt so sick while she was spelling and she said, "I didn't feel any pain while I was spelling.  It felt like there were angels all around me," and I knew that it was because of the many people that were praying for her that morning.  She also mentioned how big her brain must be...so big that it was getting squished inside her skull...maybe we shouldn't tell her how smart she is anymore.  I got her right in to her pediatrician and sure enough, she tested positive for strep.  My poor baby.


Landon came home from school later that afternoon and was all smiles.  I was so happy for him and hoped that this would help build his confidence.  Unlike my Princess, he has no idea just how smart he is...even though we tell him all of the time.  He told his story to all of us and said, "I was so scared to start, but then when I was spelling I thought, 'this is pretty easy!'"  He makes me laugh.


Tomorrow is the school wide spelling bee and no matter what place they come in I couldn't be any more proud. 

I think this calls for more cake pops.

Surrender

I can still picture it...rusty orange pews, head bowed, eyes closed...an alter call and the song "I Surrender All" sung in it's entirety, sometimes two times over.  My lips are moving.  I know this song by heart by now.  The words meaning almost nothing to me.  I've sung them too many times...it's become routine.  It's just another thing between me and lunch.  Three words and I have not a clue just what I am giving breath to.

Surrender - To yield to any influence, emotion, passion, or power. To give up one's self into the power of another.

Fast forward twenty years.  I am running a distance I never thought I would run.  I am at mile ten and the song comes on : "And I Surrender all to You, all to You." is playing in my ears.  Tears fill my eyes and for once in my life, I get a glimpse of what that means.  Pain is rushing through my body, filling up my lungs...my current circumstances flash before me.  My husband is unemployed and has been for over a year, benefits have run out, I am consumed with worry, overtaken with the need to control and fix everything...the weight is heavy.  And in this moment, at mile ten, all I can think about is surrender...not only to this race I am running, but also to The One that has set this path before me. 

This surrender is something I have to fight with every single long run, every single race.  When I am fighting with myself in my head...when I want to quit, when my body is done...I have to surrender.

Just as on the road, daily I must surrender to Him.  When I am wrestling with my own desires and what I know He wants from or for me...when life has me beat down and tired....when I want to throw in the towel and take the easier path...I must surrender.  I must take all that is weighing heavy on me...I must take my need to control....I must take my worry and doubt...just take all of it, and lay it at His feet.

A song, that comes with such negative memories...jaded...is as if I am hearing them with new ears.  My prayer is that these three words, "I. Surrender. All." would be ever so powerful in my life.  I have felt the weight of life on my shoulders when I shouldn't have been shouldering it in the first place...His yoke is easy and his burden is light (Matthew 11:30)...Surrender All.

Celebration of Days

I was putting my little men to bed on Saturday night.  When I kissed my littlest good night he looked at me and said, "Mama, can tomorrow night we have a celebration?"  He cracks me up...he's always looking for a reason to celebrate because whenever there are sweets involved, Collin is there.  I asked him what we would be celebrating.  He told me that we could celebrate the "many years" that we have all lived...mind you that he's only four.  It brought a smile to my face and I began to think of what we could do for our little celebration :

My first attempt at cake pops.  They didn't turn out as well as I hoped, but they tasted good.  The kids were thrilled with their little bites of cake on a stick.

What's a celebration without pizza, of course.  It's usually a $1 Totinos or a $5 hot n ready in this house...but I splurged for our Celebration of Days.

Before anyone could dig in, I handed every one their sign with how many days they have been alive.  Dan was a good sport...even though I think this kinds looks like a mug shot.

I feel so blessed to have been given this many days on this earth...and I am so thankful for the reminder that my littlest man has given us, that every day is a celebration.

My Princess with her number that she decorated.  Blessed to have been given a daughter here on this earth and for her thoughtfulness, smarts, and creativity she brings to our family.

My Middle Man with his grand total.  So thankful for him and his kindness and gentleness that he brings to our family.

And last, but not least (well, I guess his number is the least), my Littlest Man and his "many days".  So thankful for the fun and laughter he brings.

LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered--how fleeting my life is. - Psalms 39:4

Merry Christmas 2011

 The family picture that was on our Christmas cards this year.

The kids and me on Christmas Day.

Taken Care Of

I made a mistake...a big mistake
A mistake that I didn't know I made
until I opened an envelope on Friday morning.
I know I paid that.
I just know I did.
But, when I went back and looked
I noticed it:
my big mistake.
I had paid the right amount
to the wrong bank
and it was our mortgage payment.
Yeah, kind of an important one.
I was frantic.
I made a phone call
hoping to get some answers as to where
my money had ended up
and when I could get it back.
I got no where.
I had sent the money to a closed account
and it would take five business days
for any answers.
I was in a state of panic.
Worry.
I hung up the phone
and started to cry.
I rarely cry in front of the kids
and they began to ask questions:
"Why are you crying?"
"What's wrong, Mommy?"
"Are you ok, Mama?"
Without going in to a lot of detail
I told my kids that
I had accidentally
sent some money to
the wrong people,
money that was supposed to pay for our house.
Maybe not the best wording
because my four year old
told me he was sorry I did that
and then asked if I had
sent our money to the "wobbers".
My Middle Man gave me several hugs
and my Princess reminded me that
it would be okay because
"at least you and Daddy both have jobs".
Melt my heart is what my kids did.
It was just the encouragement that I needed.
Pray.Pray.Pray. is what I did.
I wrestled all day
with the same worry
the same doubt
talking to God about it all...
asking Him to take care of it...
asking Him to help me
give up these feelings
of worry and control.
I even asked Him to
fix it all before the 5 days.
I would like to think
that after a whole 22 months
of waiting, of seeing God provide,
of leaning on Him
that I have gotten better
but my initial reaction
still needs some work.
I walked the halls at work that Friday night
with a peace
thanking Him for what He was going to do
not knowing that
He had already done it.
My Father had already fixed it
before I even knew I made the mistake.
That night, my husband emailed me
at work
to tell me
that we had the refund check sitting
in our mailbox
and once again
I laughed at my God
smiled about how good He is to me
and confessed my unbelief
to my Father who cares
so tenderly for me.

It's Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas...

This year, my husband and kids surprised me with a real tree.  The tree is tall...very tall...and I laughed when I walked in the door and saw it.  It was the one that my Princess had her heart set on and her Daddy gave in.

My table looks so festive! 

Our Countdown to Christmas Clock on display.

Our Countdown to Christmas Kisses that we have done for a few years now...the kids love getting a kiss every morning.