Three Months

Three months ago, on September second, we got the news. The beginning of each month following has been rough (I just happen to be PMSing around that time every month also...an added plus!). This month, it seems even harder for several reasons...one being that Christmas is right around the corner. December is supposed to be a happy month, a month filled with festivities and get-togethers. Jobless is not the way anyone wants to spend a holiday. What about all the stuff? A little voice in the back of my head reminds me of what is important...

In November of 2006, I had a miscarriage. It was a hard time and it made the holiday season difficult because I was hurting. I remember not even wanting to put up a tree. God had a big gift in store and the middle of December, we found out that we were pregnant with Collin. That night, the tree was up.

This year, feels similar. I am hurting again. This year, though, I want to be different. Even though I would love to get great news before Christmas, I don't want everything I do to hinge on that. I think that God is telling me what I must do. Just when I think I cannot possibly learn anything else...stretch anymore... because it's so incredibly painful, my God tells me that I must. My reply, "God, you know what I can handle. I don't think I can take one more step, go any further, but here I am. Carry me." He's done just that.

This Christmas will be different for us. Gifts won't fill the underneath of our tree. Traveling to spend Christmas with my family might be out of the question. Once again, all the "stuff" is being stripped away and all we have left is eachother and our God who is crazy about us and has been faithful to provide our every need.

I hope that December will bring news that we have been waiting for. But, if not, my heart will chose to say, "Blessed be YOUR name, Lord."

P.S. The tree is up. :-)