Another Year

Four years ago, on November 5th, 2006, a positive two weeks before became heartache as I sat in church...instantly I knew.  I was cramping.  I was filled with worry.  I couldn't get home fast enough.  I was losing my baby...and there was absolutely nothing I could do.

I slept most of the afternoon away, curled up in a ball, hoping that somehow it would cradle her enough that she would be safe and all would be well.  Later on that evening, I knew she was gone.

The miracle of life all the more real to me...the guilt burned deep.  Just two weeks before, I saw those two lines.  This wasn't "our" plan.  We already had our perfect family of four.  One more would just complicate things.

It didn't take long for me to come around.  In a couple of days I was planning, excited, dreaming.  And then the day came.  Dreams crushed...and I felt guilty for my initial reaction...like somehow in those first few days, I sealed her fate.

We chose to name her : Madelyn, meaning magnificent.  Magnificent for what she taught us, what she meant in the short little time she lived inside of me.  Without her, we wouldn't have surrendered our will to His.  We wouldn't have our little man.  I wouldn't have to same view on what a miracle all my children are...every child is.

Shortly after we lost her, I had a dream about what she looked like.  She was gorgeous.  She looked like Landon.  She was okay.  She was safe.  She is waiting for us.

Another year has gone by...another day to reflect more than most...and be thankful.

Giant Leaps

The first few weeks of kindergarten were painful ones...both for my middle man and also for his Momma.  There were many tears, moments of kneeling with him in the hallway of the school reassuring him it would be okay, and a teary phone call home.  It broke my heart.  It made me question our decision to start him in school this year instead of waiting until next year.  I prayed, and prayed for my middle man.

Last night we had his very first parent/teacher conference.  I was excited to hear what his teacher had to say...figuring it would be positive.  I was almost certain it would be yesterday afternoon when he came home with a note from his teacher saying, "Landon is THE smartest, sweetest little boy..."  Nothing could prepare me for what I would hear that night though.

I knew that Landon had made HUGE progress in every area since starting school.  The glimpse in to my son at school from his teacher made me beam with pride.  Often I underestimate him because although he is a wild man, he is my quietest child.  He is scoring above average on everything!  She even said that they are seeing him gradually come out of his shell and volunteer to get up in front of his class and read.  The little time we had with his teacher made for one proud Momma and Daddy.

I came home and told him all about our time with his teacher.  I told him how proud of him I am.  I made a comment to him about how on his report card it had "100!!" in the blank where is says how high the child can count.  He said, "I could have counted to 200, but my teacher stopped me."  I guess there is a little overachiever in all of us here in our household.

What We've Been Reading....

It's been amazing to me to watch my kids do so well in the dual language program at their school.  Kaitlyn is especially excited about it.  This past Monday, I got a few more English/Spanish books to read to the kids.  I think my days of butchering the Spanish books are over.  Even though Kaitlyn can not understand all of what she reads, she is reading incredibly well in Spanish.  So, yesterday, we all sat down and I read the book to them in English and Kaitlyn read the book in Spanish.  I can't believe how she has soaked up the "rules" of the language...what letters together make what sound...and getting the basic idea of what is written just by the little that she knows.  I know that the spoken will come way after their understanding but I am so happy with our choice to put them both in to the program.

A "Badge of Honor"

This being a Mommy thing can be exhausting.  Most the time, I do a pretty good job just rolling with the punches...taking life as it comes...keeping a smile on and laughing when things get tough.  But, there is just something about when my kids are sick one right after the other that can get me kinda down...make me want to lock myself in the closet and cry for a bit.  Yesterday was one of those days.

I thought everyone was on the mend.  Then, in the afternoon, I hear more vomit hitting the floor.  Now, I was thankful it wasn't outside in the wind...but I don't know, it's kinda a toss up...on my carpet or outside blowing in the wind...think I will take the wind.  At least clean up for that only entails stripping down and throwing everything in the washing machine.  There's just something I hate about cleaning throw up off my carpet.  At least it wasn't my couch this time.  The guilty party: my princess.

This is the part in the story when I look up at the ceiling and begin to throw a pity party for myself...which at the time seemed pretty reasonable.  I saw, in my mind, what was to come...it meant clean up in hallway one scrubbing chuncks out of the carpet...it meant more puking where I was to try my hardest not to throw up myself while rubbing my princess' back and cleaning off her mouth.  It meant that there was possibly more to come.  My job was about to become a little harder and I was already tired.

And then in steps my middle man who is rough and tumble and wild...but deep down he is so sensitive and sweet...and loves his Momma.  He had taken a heart that I cut out for him and colored it.  He brought it to me and said that it was for me to wear on the front of my shirt because of how good I did taking care of him when he was sick and because he loves me so much.  And then, this is the part of the story where I packed up my pity party...and stopped my selfish thinking.  This is the part of the story where I stood up and let him tape my "badge of honor" on my shirt, while his stood back and admired how good it looked on me...and asked if he could take a picture...and I let him:

This job is a hard one...but the rewards are better than any bonus...and monetary reward (even though I could really go for some extra cash to fly me away to somewhere warmer right now).  I wore my heart until after dinner and then my middle man had the idea of taping it on my bedroom door...and that's exactly what I did.

My princess is fine this morning...she's on her fourth piece of toast as I type.  She a little famished after the night she had so if she wants to eat a whole loaf...hey, today it's fine by me.  And if anyone else gets sick around here, I think I will put my heart back on as a reminder.

Strep

Strep has made it's way to our house.  It paid a visit to my princess last week.  She's a great little sick person...high pain tolerance, hardly any complaining.  She takes it like a pro and is so easy to take care of.  Today, was my middle man's turn.

He went to school.  He complained a little when he woke up, but said after drinking some hot chocolate that his throat didn't hurt at all anymore.  I just figured he slept with his mouth open and he was a little dry.  Well, I got a call around 11:30 that he was running a fever and was complaining of his throat hurting.  Poor baby.  I sped the one and a half miles to school to get to him as soon as I could.  I called the doctor (and called in to work) when we got home and got an appointment.

We got to the doctor and he started getting really whiny.  It was a short walk so I told him I would carry him.  We got two cars away from our car when it happened.

Apparently because of some low pressure hanging over our region (or whatever the weather people said this morning) it is incredibly windy today...like hurricane windy...like hang on to your children outside windy.  Which would mean that throwing up in this wind would be a terrible thing...but that's exactly what my middle man did.  I had enough time to throw him off of me...I mean set him down ever so gently...and the puking started...and the wind took it in every direction.  I had my littlest man with us and he was screaming and ran for cover trying to avoid being covered in vomit like his brother and Mommy.

I don't do well with throw up.  When someone is throwing up it makes me want to throw up.  I see it a lot at work and it's all I can do to hold it together until I can leave the room...and then I gag down the hall all the way back to the lab.  So, today, when the vomit tornado was hitting me from all directions it was almost more than I could take.  Landon and I had puke on our coats, hands, jeans, faces, and in our crocs...the squishing in between my toes was the worst.  I just stood there, rubbing my middle man's back while he heaved and heaved.  Three kind strangers in the parking lot went and got napkins from their cars and one patted my back and said she hoped my day got better.

We walked in to the office, covered in puke with enough time to spare that we were able to get cleaned up in the bathroom before checking in.  We did the best we could and made our way to the front desk still smelling of vomit.  All I could do was look back at my pale, sickly little man and laugh to myself.  Man, I love that kid...even if he did throw up all over me today.  And because of my youngest, the doctor heard all about "Wandon frowing up in yours parking lot."

Beaming

Collin and I head to our local library for story time every Monday.  Today, my little man wanted to dress up.  So, he went to story time as a cowboy.  Most weeks, he sits through the three books just so that he can do the craft and play with the trains at the end.  Story time today was a bit different...which might have been because they started off with his favorite game : The matching game.  I was relieved because maybe I will now get the day off.  He rushed right up there and got his game face on...and ended up winning...I was so proud that all of the hours of practice with Mommy had paid off.  He actively participated the rest of the time and even started conversation about his alien pumpkin that his Daddy carved for him over the weekend.  When asked what he put inside his pumpkin after it was carved he enthusiastically yelled, "FIRE!".  That's my boy.  We walked out of there with his craft, a take home work sheet, and a little pumpkin that his teacher gave to him.  He has informed me that it's sleeping in his bed with him for nap.  We love our library program!

Quiet Time

I don't consider us to be a loud family.  But, aparently, my middle child needed some quiet time away the other day.  I couldn't find him.  I noticed our bathroom light was on.  I snuck in, got up on the counter with my camera in hand, and took this picture of him all cozy in our (dirty) shower...coloring away.  I should try this some time.

I "heart" Jewel

I am aspiring to be crazy.  Thursdays have become my new shopping day all because that's when the new sale week begins at Jewel.  I haven't been blogging about the deals I have been getting the past couple of weeks but today I scored big.  I felt like I was stealing as I walked out of the store with a cart load full that I got for (drum roll please)...$35.20.  My receipt said that my savings was $86.89.  I *loved* seeing that!  So here's what I got:



Thanks to my sister-in-law and a site she gave me...and a tad bit of thought on my own...I have been doing pretty good with our grocery budget.  And my make shift pantry is stuffed.

Another 26.2 miles...

...I rounded the corner, took out my headphones and soaked in the crowd cheering. I gave it my all in that last quarter of a mile. I crossed the finish line with my hands in the air and my head bowed in thanks...fighting back tears. I didn't start crying until I walked up to have my medal placed around my neck and the lady said, "This is what you have been waiting for". Yep, it really was...it meant that I had crossed that finish line. It meant that I conquered another 26.2 miles....

This past Sunday, I ran my second full marathon. You can read about it over at Running My Victory Lap.

To the Birthday Girl...

Once upon a time
Actually upon this day
just 27 years ago
my world became a little brighter
I was given a gift
Actually my parents were
given a gift
that I got to partake in
I, being 18 months old, didn't even know
what blessing had been
sent down to me
oblivious to just how special
that day was and what meaning
it would have in my little life
a bond, a trust, a love
a forever friend
my first friend
someone to turn to when
the world seemed so cold
when my heart was broken
when hope was lost
an ear, a shoulder, a hand to hold
someone to run beside
to stand beside
in comfortable silence
to pinky swear and
share even the darkest of secrets
to double dog dare
and laugh hard in the darkness with
to create memory upon memory
memories so many
that I don't recall many
without her growing up
it was on this day
twenty seven years
ago
I was blessed with a friend
the truest form
one I call
my sister.

Happy Birthday my Calist. Though miles upon miles separate us, are hearts are forever bonded. It's unthinkable to imagine life without you. Thank you for all you have been and what you continue to be in my life. My heart aches to be together with you...to watch our kids grow up together...to spend afternoons together...to call eachother up just for the purpose of going for a run together...but, I cherish the times we do get to spend together. I am proud of the woman you have become, the mother and wife you are...what a strong person and an inspiration you are to me. I hope you have a wonderful birthday and may you be blessed more this year than you have been so far. I don't say it enough : I love you.

Kind and Loving

I have the privilege of heading up and teaching our Sunday preschool program at our church. I currently have my youngest in my class which is a blessing, but can also be a distraction. Sometimes he doesn't listen so well to Mama when he is with me.

Each week, I incorporate a verse for the 3-5 year olds to learn. A lot of times I wonder if what I teach sinks in with what little time I have with them. Our verse for this past Sunday was "Be kind and loving to each other" - Eph 4:32. On Tuesday, I got proof that, in fact, it had with my little guy.

I had just gotten home from picking up my oldest two from school. It takes about a half hour for us to get settled in and get used to all being together again. The boys were having a tough time getting along...Collin wanted to be the boss and Landon wasn't having it. Some words were said between the two of them and then it got physical.

Collin came crying to me and said, "Wandon isn't being kind and loving to each other." I tried to be serious and not beam with pride that it had actually sunk it and he was actually applying the verse to everyday life. I dealt with the situation and used that verse to reiterate to them the rules of our house...which got me thinking that I need to do more of this will all of my children...use scripture more to teach my kids instead of because "Mom says so" or "Dad says so" or "because you treat others how you want to be treated".

And more often than not, I end up learning a lot in the end too.

Pumpkin in a Dixie Cup

Kaitlyn came home from school yesterday raving about a pumpkin dessert that they made in class. I was asking her about it and she was able to rattle off all the ingredients but now how much of each...until she told me that the recipe was in her backpack. It was good timing since I just found that pumpkin yesterday.

I read the list of ingredients and how much and we had everything we needed. Since it's mixed in a freezer bag, Kaitlyn did everything but putting it in the dixie cups. It was such a hit (with the kiddos and Mommy) that I thought I would share:

Ingredients:

1 gallon freezer bag

2 2/3 cup milk

2 little packs of instant vanilla pudding

15 oz pure canned pumpkin

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp ginger

graham cracker crumbs

25 dixie cups

1 can whipped cream

Combine milk and instand pudding in freezer bag and mix well. Add the pumpkin and spices and kneed and mix well. Place 1/2 to 1 T of graham cracker crumbs in bottom of cups. Cut corner of freezer bag and squeeze filling in to cups. Top with whipped cream and enjoy!

It's the perfect snack size and gives you just enough sweetness.