Monday, January 19, 2009


Many times throughout the past four and a half months, I have told God that I just can't do this anymore. He got the wrong daughter when he picked me to walk through this...or crawl depending on the day. I am not a quitter but I have never wanted to quit so bad in my entire life. Sometimes I think this can't be happening...wonder if this is some sort of Truman Show. I am waiting for a voice from Heaven to tell me that the show is over, the test is over, and I can resume my "normal" life. God has been more than faithful, not only to provide for us financially, but also in meeting my emotional needs. These past two weeks have been the most trying two weeks of my life. I was emotionally unstable, exhausted, and drained. I was not made to be away from my family 48 hours out of the week. When I start to feel drained like this, my first instinct is to focus inward. Over the past month, I have learned that it's a much better walk when we focus on others, when we think of encouraging others, reaching out to others, instead of going into survival mode. I have a long way to go on this, but I have recognized this and will continue to trust God to help me. I am working on being a more encouraging person....because it doesn't come easy.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
~1 Thessalonians 5:11

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
~Ephesians 4:29

And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.
~1 Thessalonians 5:14

2 things to add:

Peaceful Chaoz said...

Very neat Beth, I have loved reading all the things that God has been teaching you. I was also reminded of this, this past week! Thanks for the reminder versus too!

I think its time soon for a sil day/night out! Even if its just sitting in our home with healthy easy chinese stirfry ;0)

Erin said...

I too wish that this was over for you. That God would pour out his richest blessing on your family. And yet, sometimes when I talk to you or read your words I think to myself, "I think he already is pouring his blessing on them". Which only points out that in our greatest weakness he can make us strong! Keep moving forward in LIGHT! Love you guys!