Monday, January 12, 2009

I have had enough, yet, He is enough.

I. Am. Tired....

Not sugar coated today people. I have had a rough past couple of days. I feel lonely, isolated, exhausted, frustrated. I feel like giving up. I have been through this enough to know that my hormones have something to do with this...not all of it though.

Today, I am feeling particularly hopeless. Is this going to last forever? I want to throw my hands up in the air and scream, "I have had enough!"

I am ready for my husband to head off to work. I am ready to stand in the front door with the kids crowded around me waving good-bye to Daddy. I am ready to have the whole day to stay in our PJs like we used to. To have the whole day to play pretend, make crafts, cuddle in bed, read books, and hold them while they watch TV. I am ready for my daughter to not have to ask when I am going to be able to stay home with her or tell me that she wishes we could be like we "used to be, remember?" I am ready for my little man's prayer of, "Dear Jesus, help my Daddy get a job," to be answered. I am ready for my littlest man to stop throwing himself on the floor or hanging on to me for dear life when I have to leave. I am ready for the pain of missing my kids incredibly much to be replaced with the pure joy of staying home with them. I am ready for the tears to stop.

My Loving Father, I thank you that I don't have to always come to you whole. I am hurting, Lord. I am tired and I don't know if I can hold on any longer. I thank you that you know every tear that has fallen in public and in secret. You know my heart. Lord, I want more than anything to be able to stay home with my kids. Lord, you have said to first be concerned about God's kingdom and his righteousness, and all of these things will be provided for you as well. I thank you for what you have done and what you are doing in my life. I am asking that you provide a job for Dan within the next month. I know your timing is perfect and I am waiting for you. Sustain me above all else to endure. Amen.

3 things to add:

Rebecca said...

It was all I could do to keep myself from breaking into a million pieces while reading your prayer. I feel the same way you do, but for different reasons. I feel your pain & want THIS to be over too. I am praying alongside you.

Andrea said...

Beautiful, beautiful prayer. Your faith and journey are so inspiring. Thanks for sharing your heart. It is so nice to reminded that we don't have to come to God with our stuff all together. I tend to forget that.

I hope things get better.

Christy said...

your post made me tear up :( Praying for you guys!