God's Calling

Let me just start by saying, what I am about to write will come as a shock to many...it sure has thrown me for a loop! But, I am so excited about what God has been doing. This is all no coincidence, it's a God thing.

I have always had a heart for two things: missions and kids. Looking back, I think it all started with a wonderful missionary family who I had the privilege of baby-sitting for while they were home on furlough. In highschool, I babysat and spent sometime on short term mission trips in the states. The trips always involved vacation bible school. It broke my heart to have to leave the kids behind...some poor, hungry, and starving for attention. After highschool, I got through college, got a job, got married, moved away, got pregnant, moved again, got pregnant again, and then got pregnant again. It's been a whirlwind. My main focus through the craziness has been just to survive.

Through blogging and a couple other families that we know in real life, I have gotten to sit back and watch (and read) about their journeys to foster care and adoption. It got me thinking.

The past four months has been change after change. God slowing chipping away my layers revealing what he wants for me. Showing me that I can trust Him with everything I am. Showing me that He is a God of grace and mercy, of compassion and acceptance, forgiveness and love. God brought us back to the church Dan grew up in and the one that we attended together for about two years after we were married. I don't regret leaving WBC. We didn't leave on bad terms two years ago. Go was telling us it was time to go back. What a blessing it has been!

God brought me to a low, low point. He broke me. He brought me through a dark valley to show me His light, His green pastures, His blue skies. I have never wanted to get my hands dirty...admit that I was hurting or admit that I was broken...I was running. This time, I had no choice. I was crumbling before everyone's eyes and could no longer hide ANYTHING. Through this, He has given me a heart for those who are hurting. The guy at work who is trying to fight his addiction to drugs, another who is angry at the world, another who was rejected by his family, a girl who's mother walked out on the family. I don't like the job, but I know I am there for a reason. Before, I would have been judgemental. Now, I look at them and see the pain and spend a lot of time just talking about life with them...no judgements, no condemnation...this could only come from God.

I recently, in my quiet time, told God, "Here am I, send me." I surrendered to Him. Told Him, that I will go anywhere, do anything. I am His. He has proven Himself over and over to me. He is more than faithful, more than trustworthy. He has taken much away in the past four months, but given us so much more that really matters.

Which brings me to my calling:

God has told me to go to Zambia and go love on orphans there. I can't tell you how excited I am about this!! I just want to go and tell everyone. I was excited Saturday night and Sunday morning to get in to church and see what God had for me. I was sitting there listening about living life just to survive when we are called to thrive. I used to be a risk taker...not so much anymore. I am cautious. I like everything written out so I can make an educated decision...see if it's logical, achievable. I told God in my head that I wanted to thrive, I wanted to live dangerously...take a few risks...things that don't make sense. Then, Pastor Len said that he was being called to Zambia and He was praying for those who God has called to go with him. I knew that was it. I got hot and felt sick. I thought, Oh Lord, this is crazy. This doesn't make sense but I know without a doubt this is what You want me to do. Then he said that he was called to go with Every Orphan's Hope. Tears filled my eyes. I couldn't wait to go up to Pastor Len after the service and tell him that I was ready to go...and I did. So, I know, I know, my husband doesn't have a job and we are scraping by. This doesn't pan out on paper financially but God has taught me over these past four months, that with Him, it doesn't have to add up on paper. I am supposed to go and He will supply. I went today and got my application to apply for my passport, I am researching, and praying. Please pray also.

Secondly, we feel God is calling us to adopt. Not right now, maybe not in the next year or two, but it's something both Dan and I feel like He's telling us to do. All we know is that it will be a child over two (maybe siblings) and that they will be from the US. God has blessed us, strengthened us, sustained us and we want to share that.

Sorry if I was all over the place and hard to follow. I am just bursting here! This week is a big week for us. Along with all of this coming to light, I officially start in the lab tomorrow AM and on Wednesday Dan has his psychological testing. I pray that there is employment in sight for him, but most of all, I pray that whatever God's will is in it all that I will continue to say, "blessed be Your name!"