Friday, September 12, 2008

Deep Breath

I guess I will have to be brutally honest today...

I am not going to pretend that I am in the best of moods. I am not going to pretend that I didn't spend all day yesterday crying and it has been so hard for me to get out of bed, keep up with things around the house, and care for my kids. Dan is jobless but that doesn't mean that the bills stop coming, the laundry stops piling up, the cars stop needing gas. I thought I was doing okay with this all. Yesterday it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I am actually feeling like I am mourning a loss. As selfish and materialistic as it may sound, I keep thinking back to two weeks ago when we had a paycheck coming in, we were able to go out to eat, and if I wanted to drive to where ever, I could. While I am grateful for everything beyond words, I miss all of what I used to have or maybe I just miss the laughter and smiles because they have been few and far between.

But, as promised, I will count my blessings...

~ We are all healthy.

~ The most amazing thing...My friend, Erin, called me at the beginning of the week asking about bills. I was reluctant to disclose the amounts to her. It's just so hard for me to accept money from people. She said she was going to work on it and see what she could do. Since then, almost everyday we have received some amount and most of that has been from complete strangers. It's just amazing!

~ All we have had to spend on food this week has been $3.00 thanks to a gift card from Hollie and the groceries that were brought to us last week.

~My mother-in-law brought over everything to make chocolate chip cookies and toilet paper (okay, I just read this and I made it sound like I make my own toilet paper, not so. So also threw in a pack of toilet paper...ha!).

~ Landon has been having growing pains. The Motrin was gone. The next morning, Hollie called and asked if she could pick us up anything from Walmart. She brought over 2 bottles of Motrin.

~ My sister-in-law, Alicia, brought over food from her Dad's b-day party! It has been delicious.

~ My sister-in-law, Saira, treated us to the nearby orchard one day. It was nice to get out with the kids and forget about all that is going on.

~ Becki brought over some homemade dishwasher detergent and some diapers and wipes.

~My parents sent a check to help out with Cubbies for the kids.

~ A friend of Dan's stopped over one morning and handed me a $100 bill. John has a family of his own and like everyone else that has helped us out, could have used the money himself. It was "extra" and so he chose to drive out here and bless us with it.

~ My grandparents both sent us money. It brightened my day!

Okay, I feel a little better. :-) I need to constantly remind myself to take this one day at a time. It's so easy for me to look at the calender and see the end of the month fast approaching and start to worry about the mortgage and everything else that is due then. Yesterday, I kept telling myself and God that I can't take anymore. It's only been a week and a half but I am so done with this. I feel helpless and that's exactly where God wants me. Because if I think that I can't go another day and that I can't do this by myself, there is no where else to turn but to HIM.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. ~ 1 Peter 5:7
How you can be praying for us:

~ Dan's job search. We are spending money on gas to get him where he needs to go but are getting discouraged because he hasn't heard anything. Please pray that both of us would hear something within the next week from the apps we have both put out.
~ We did receive info about our unemployment. Dan is suppose to call the beginning of next week and our card will then be charged. It's put on a debit card and that is a bit concerning. There is a fee for everything. With it being about 40% of what Dan was making, those fees are going to make a huge difference. I have been worrying about it because instead of our mortgage being about 20% of our income, it will now be about %50.
~ Landon. He has been acting up and been very clingy to Dan. He wakes up super early to make sure Dan is still home and doesn't want to leave Dan's side. Dan left to turn in some apps today and I couldn't settle him down. He threw a huge fit for about a half hour. We need wisdom in how to deal with him.
~ That we wouldn't have to worry about what we are going to eat. That God would continue to provide as he has been doing in that area.
~For the upcoming garage sale on the 20th. That the turn out would be great and the weather would be nice.
~ For our marriage. Pray that we would continue to look to God for our needs and that we would be drawn closer together.

Thanks everyone!

2 things to add:

Saralyn said...

We're praying!

I'm sure you know all too well that God's best and our idea of best don't always look the same. Don't forget that He's using this to show you what's really in your heart, call you to Himself, and make you more like Him, that you'd be better fit to minister for Christ. Trust Him. Read through what Paul has to say about his trouble in 2 Corinthians chapter 1, and what James says about the whole matter in chapter 1, verse 2.
This is an opportunity for victory, dear Beth, not defeat. You are training for the big race! It is Satan that steals joy, taunting us as if God doesn't care. Fight for it. Stand firm and wait for the deliverance of the Lord, however and whenever it may come.

Rebecca said...

So many great things to praise Him for!!

Your honesty & transparency throughout this difficult time will hopefully serve as a blessing to others around you and as a testimony to His goodness.