I guess I will have to be brutally honest today...
I am not going to pretend that I am in the best of moods. I am not going to pretend that I didn't spend all day yesterday crying and it has been so hard for me to get out of bed, keep up with things around the house, and care for my kids. Dan is jobless but that doesn't mean that the bills stop coming, the laundry stops piling up, the cars stop needing gas. I thought I was doing okay with this all. Yesterday it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I am actually feeling like I am mourning a loss. As selfish and materialistic as it may sound, I keep thinking back to two weeks ago when we had a paycheck coming in, we were able to go out to eat, and if I wanted to drive to where ever, I could. While I am grateful for everything beyond words, I miss all of what I used to have or maybe I just miss the laughter and smiles because they have been few and far between.
But, as promised, I will count my blessings...
~ We are all healthy.
~ The most amazing thing...My friend, Erin, called me at the beginning of the week asking about bills. I was reluctant to disclose the amounts to her. It's just so hard for me to accept money from people. She said she was going to work on it and see what she could do. Since then, almost everyday we have received some amount and most of that has been from complete strangers. It's just amazing!
~ All we have had to spend on food this week has been $3.00 thanks to a gift card from Hollie and the groceries that were brought to us last week.
~My mother-in-law brought over everything to make chocolate chip cookies and toilet paper (okay, I just read this and I made it sound like I make my own toilet paper, not so. So also threw in a pack of toilet paper...ha!).
~ Landon has been having growing pains. The Motrin was gone. The next morning, Hollie called and asked if she could pick us up anything from Walmart. She brought over 2 bottles of Motrin.
~ My sister-in-law, Alicia, brought over food from her Dad's b-day party! It has been delicious.
~ My sister-in-law, Saira, treated us to the nearby orchard one day. It was nice to get out with the kids and forget about all that is going on.
~ Becki brought over some homemade dishwasher detergent and some diapers and wipes.
~My parents sent a check to help out with Cubbies for the kids.
~ A friend of Dan's stopped over one morning and handed me a $100 bill. John has a family of his own and like everyone else that has helped us out, could have used the money himself. It was "extra" and so he chose to drive out here and bless us with it.
~ My grandparents both sent us money. It brightened my day!
Okay, I feel a little better. :-) I need to constantly remind myself to take this one day at a time. It's so easy for me to look at the calender and see the end of the month fast approaching and start to worry about the mortgage and everything else that is due then. Yesterday, I kept telling myself and God that I can't take anymore. It's only been a week and a half but I am so done with this. I feel helpless and that's exactly where God wants me. Because if I think that I can't go another day and that I can't do this by myself, there is no where else to turn but to HIM.
~ Dan's job search. We are spending money on gas to get him where he needs to go but are getting discouraged because he hasn't heard anything. Please pray that both of us would hear something within the next week from the apps we have both put out.